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| silversoldier (profile) wrote, on 7-25-2004 at 7:56pm | |
| Current mood: alive and breathing Music: "Ammunition" - Switchfoot Subject: sirens and flashing lights |
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| I feel as though I'm in limbo at the moment. Time's certainly seemed to have slowed down, and nothing is happening here. Plus, my stomach is screwed up right now, and I can feel everything moving through my digestive system... interesting, but disgusting and somewhat painful. But ignoring the state of the moment, things are looking... about like the state of the moment. I'm having a very melancholy time right now. We went down to Bozeman to visit my grandma. She's doing well, though she's smoking even more than usual. Not good for any of us who were there. My aunt Diane was there too, and she made for some good conversation. Dad and the dog stayed home because both were sick, and the sister was at camp, so *we* is really the mother and me. I intended to get new soccer shoes, but just about everyone is out of stock, so I'll have to order from Eurosport... We went to the soccer shop in Bozeman... sad sad efforts. Then we were driving back along main street and came upon the Crazy Days sales. Ended up stopping at a shoe store where I bought a new pair of street shoes, though they sadly weren't on sale. Then on Saturday, Mom, Diane, and I went garage sale hopping. Diane got a variety of things, my mom got a pressure cooker, and I got an oversized book of literature. 1000-some pages for 25¢... not too bad of a deal, I'd say. But, despite our fun times, I've been feeling stripped away inside. I did a lot of window shopping for guys... Not the greatest morale booster. I'm feeling more and more shitty about my situation because 1. I'm being horribly dishonest with many people including my family and 2. I'm desparately wanting a relationship with someone... It's a big leap to try to fix either of those issues, and I don't have the will right now to do it. We have one chance, one chance to get everything right. We have one chance, one chance, and if we're lucky we might. My friends, my habits, my family, they mean so much to me. I just don't think that it's right. I've seen so many ships sail in, just to head back out again and go off sinking... ~Modest Mouse "One Chance" I'm wanting to fix it all now, and I know that trying to do that is going to make things worse. I have so many low-confidence issues right now. Each thing, one at a time. I live for a tomorrow and hope that I can accomplish one task in that day. One thing at a time, a slow evolution, a slower enjoyment... Life can be a painful process at times, and this is certainly a time. I need a creative release. |
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DarkSwordDancer | its sad., 07-25-04 11:37pm Unfortunatly nicko....no one thing will fix everything wrong in life and or make life easier...BUT...the mear effort needed to attain something to make a part of life easier is amazing. For example...instead of "living for tomarrow"...live for the moment...and make it count....it works for me...maybe it'll work for you....enjoy life....dont see it as "have to"s and "what if"s...see it as "this happened" and "did"...do the things you think of....as long as they are possitive and will improve life.....This sounds slightly ramblish but i think you understand...or maybe i completly missed the mark ...which i tend to do but oh well. Have the will to do everything and anything ,once again as long as it improves your life or has a possitive impact......be confident about who you are, and who you will become ...but dont dwell on it. Be you and be happy that you CAN be you...because who you are is a good person. You are Nick, that why your friends like you...we dont like you because you are someone else...just that you are simply you. |
silversoldier | Re: its sad., 07-26-04 12:44am Appreciate the sentiments ^^ |
DarkSwordDancer | Re: Re: its sad., 07-26-04 11:18am yay!!!!! |