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fluttering beats in the dark

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:: 2021 12 June :: 1.42 am

I hate when a bunch of drunk assholes show up at 1am and start shouting in my home while I'm trying to sleep.

no I don't want to come out there and talk to drunk people who won't remember the convo tomorrow.

I went to bed TO FUCKING SLEEP

are you reaching out

:: 2021 4 June :: 6.43 am

"When it feels scary to jump, that's exactly when you jump. Otherwise you end up staying the same place your whole life. And that I can't do."
- j c chandor

are you reaching out

:: 2021 21 May :: 8.47 am

I hate that feeling of being needed, but taken for granted.

like y'all don't really need me despite how much I do for you.

and I'm left holding that short straw in our life dingy, the next to give my body for nourishment. and unlike the plane crash in the Andes, there is no gratitude. just more fucking trash.

I'm sinking to the bottom, and as I look up to the fading light, I can see the last starlight I'll ever see, into the crushing depths. to feed the bottom dwellers or maybe just feed some scavengers.

and just never be found or thought of again.

I am dead inside

are you reaching out

:: 2021 20 May :: 7.22 am

"you just seemed so honest, but sexy"

is honesty not normally a sexy trait...? oh craigslist you confuse the heck out of me haha

1 night time trust fall | are you reaching out

:: 2021 11 May :: 8.28 am

this extreme tiredness doesn't seem to want to leave

but I'm so damn tired

are you reaching out | Random Journal