:: 2003 5 July :: 4.53 pm

who wants to be beautiful when beautiful's just a lie?

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:: 2003 2 July :: 11.24 am
:: Mood: excellent :0)
:: Music: Pass me the football...

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:: 2003 30 June :: 1.32 am

stream of conscious
Stream of conscious...
chosen sweetly i fell. i fell out of your world. Drugs consumed many, not me. It wasn't the drugs as much as you lying. What made you think I wouldn't understand, wouldn't want to help. You told me that it was a plea for help, you wanted me to notice, to care but you did the one thing i asked you not to do. I read your words, your heart poured out onto this screen and it sends sharp pangs through my heart because I cared. This is probably the one thing that could tear me away from the perfection I have now found. How can I be so happy yet still feel obligation. Maybe I still care... I shouldn't. Conflicts of the heart yet I know what I'm doing is right. I have waited so long for this and to lose it for something that has not worked numerous times? If we were meant to be together then it would have worked. Maybe not the first time, the second, the third?? If we were meant to be together "forever" then forever would not have been terminated so soon. Maybe it was love, I really don't know. You walked out that morning, told me that when you'd said it you meant it and for how long I was screaming that inside. It broke my heart. Out of anger I acted and you walked away. I am not saying that you walked out on it because I pushed you away myself but understand, it wasn't just me. Amazing. I can be on top of the world and your words, just your words can bring me down. I must care, I guess I try too hard not to. I read what you wrote for her it was always so much more beautiful then what you'd write for me. You say that it was just lust, a fatal attraction for her and that I was "home", I was what was familiar to you but she was the prize. I don't doubt that you really did love me or anything but you never showed me. Whereas you gave her the world, you felt 100% for me yet only gave me half. You said that you would never say it if you knew I wouldn't say it back. You never knew how I really felt for you, maybe I was a fool for waiting. Maybe i'm smart. Two people obsessed with getting hurt and this is what you get. I have learned from this. I will give 100% from now on, my heart on my sleeve I will get the 100% that I deserve.
I always knew I could do better.
Why am I even thinking of this, its over, i'm happy, I don't need to do this.
Goodnight.

Disclosure: If you're reading this and have to question if this is for/about you then you're wrong and its not. If it was then you'd know. Thats all.

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:: 2003 28 June :: 3.49 am
:: Mood: there is no word to describe how wonderful i feel
:: Music: Timb stuck in my head heh

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:: 2003 27 June :: 2.37 am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: Smashing Pumpkins - Mayonaise

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:: 2003 26 June :: 11.54 am

100 FRIENDS!!!!!

lol wow i suck.
i'm excited anyways :0P

i'm grounded.
i wish gregory would call :0(

i feel empty but complete. its a weird feeling.
i wish i went to wellington yesterday and had chicken lo mein with the cool cool cool girls.

the.end.
100friendsw00t!

EDIT @ 1:14pm

okay. i'm NOT grouded :0) Ashley and I are doing driving school together and Gregs making me dinner tonight <3

off to the mall con Sara B. <3<3<3

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:: 2003 26 June :: 12.59 am
:: Mood: crappy

Hi, my name is Vivi.
I got a speeding ticket.
Worst night ever.

Yeah. that just about sums up how i feel right now.

funny story though...well maybe not so funny if you weren't there but proves how small of a world it really is...

okay. well this took place during my break tonight at work. Vicky (one of my coworkers) came in with her brother, Dan and his girlfriend Kassidy who are both back from college for the summer. I got a bagel and sat down with the 3. As I sat down I realized that Vickys brother had long, curly hair very similar to Gregs..(us girl freaks talk about hair ALLLLLLL the time heh) sooo as i got up to get a magazine from the rack i pointed to Dan's head and stated "Greg has hair like this" and walked away. When i returned, Vicky asked me what Gregs last name was which i replied "Pishko" and all 3 of them burst out laughing. Very confused I asked what was so funny and Vicky explained that after i'd left, Kassidy said that she had gone to school with a kid named Greg Pishko who had hair like Dans sooo they were all tickled that it was the same person :0) Sooooo it turned out Kassidy graduated IB in 2002 and knows Greg & everyone else. We had a great hour of bonding over FOOLS stories and band stuff (Dan used to be in Jaded at the Swingset) soooo it was really cool.

yeah. thats all.

oh yeah. I saw Greg all this morning which made my day despite all the crapiness <3

hes soooooooooo wonderful. really.

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:: 2003 23 June :: 4.25 am
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: Radiohead - Hail to the thief

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:: 2003 19 June :: 4.08 am

[Current Clothes] turtle-saur shirt _ khaki capris.
[ Current Mood] contemplative
[ Current Music] none. although i've had radiohead stuck in my head all day
[ Current Taste] n/a
[ Current Make-up ] um... whatever thats left
[ Current Hair ] pony tail
[ Current Annoyance ] ehh i don't want to talk about it.
[ Current Smell ] n/a
[ Current Thing ] i should be sleeping
[ Current Desktop Picture ] former Adastra boys
[ Current Favorite Artists] Radiohead etc.[ Current Favorite Group ] iwhagohsg.
[ Current Book you're reading] the summons by john grisham
[ Current CD in CD Player] wilco i believe
[ Current DVD in player] igby goes down <3[ Current Color Of Toenails ] pink/red
[ Current Refreshment ] n/a
[ Current Worry ] eh... if you matter enough to me then you'd know.

LAST PERSON...
[ You Touched ] Greg... besides my kitty :0P
[ You Talked to ] Ben
[ You Hugged ] Gregory Luke.
[ You Instant messaged ] Ben
[ You Yelled At ] i dont' know but probably someone
[ You Kissed ] pssft who kisses and tells :0P

FAVORITE...
[ Food ] i like food.
[ Drink ] Dr.Pepper
[ Color ] why have one when you can have them all
[ Album ] Radiohead - Pablo Honey
[ Shoes ] gota be the bowling shoes or the pimp tie-died chucks
[ Candy ] gummi bears, twizzlers
[ Animal ] kitties
[ TV Show ] trading spaces
[ Movie ] geez. right now i'm really digging Adaptation
[ Dance ] i don't dance.
[ Song ] um # 2 on the Coheed CD... I don't know names, sorry.
[ Vegetable ] spinich.
[ Fruit ] proly tangerines or something
[ Cartoon ] um.
[ Store ] um.
[ Kiss ] depends
[ Hangout ] in someones arms that i care about.
[ Vacation ] Italy and Greece.. that rocked my world... also trips to the keys = own.

ARE YOU...
[ Understanding ] i try to be sympathetic.
[ Open-minded ] i think so.
[ Arrogant ] elitest maybe, arrogant i don't know.
[ Insecure ] probably
[ Interesting ] haha i hope so
[ Random ] spontaneity rocks.
[ Hungry ] always fatty.
[ Friendly ] very.
[ Smart ] IB? lol in that case i guess no.
[ Moody ] don't push me.
[ Childish ] i'm little, im allowed
[ Independent ] its lonely.
[ Hard working ] when needed
[ Organized ] depends what you're talking about
[ Healthy ]i could work on it
[ Emotionally Stable ] not as much as i'd like to be
[ Shy ] not really
[ Difficult ] very.
[ Attractive ] not particularly
[ Bored Easily ] depends
[ Thirsty ] sometimes
[ Responsible ] depends
[ Obsessed ] very
[ Angry ] currently yes even though i shouldn't be...
[ Sad ] even though i might not show it...
[ Happy ] its weird, kind of like crazy equilibrium.. i'm happier then ever but sad in my heart too.
[ Hyper ] its 4am what do you think[ Trusting ] i like to have faith in people
[ Talkative ] very.

WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
[ Kill ] lets not go there.
[ Slap ] too many people. especially racists.
[ Get Real Wasted With] wasted on life?? lol[ Get High With ] smokings dumb.
[ Look Like ] too many people
[ Talk To Offline ] lots of people... probably Gregory right now
[ Talk To Online ] i talk to everyone.
[ Date ] they know who they are.:0P
[ Fuck ] oh jeebus... lol

i'm thinking too much about everything and its really bringing me down :0(

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:: 2003 19 June :: 2.36 am

happy birthday Canadian Dave<3<3

i couldn't ask for a better night.

I have a live journal now also if anyone cares, www.livejournal.com/users/plainmornings

also. Ben and I bought a year of communal picture sharing @ www.fotki.com/plainmornings

<3.Vivi.

Gregory Luke doing the drive thing.

Birthday boy with AJ & Sharif :0)

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:: 2003 16 June :: 4.05 am

"every second she laid in his arms, time seemed to stop. "Look, its 2:28 just like yesterday" he said...she couldn't help but smile."

I want pancakes... bad.

Had a great night, No Parking boys rocked my world + Adaptation w/Weston & Gregory Luke. Igby tomorrow!!

"its hot hot" <3

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:: 2003 13 June :: 6.38 pm

The Twins + Emmy rock my world!!!...

Mayra made me the best shirt in the world (pics will come shortly!)

today was the best, you girls rock!!

<3<3

thanks to Emmy <3

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:: 2003 13 June :: 11.05 am

sleepy lady here :0(

i forgot to write about the horses!!

i went up to Wellington to see Steve yesterday, it was "muy muy bueno" (wow. that was lame) except for the hitting the tree part.

His neighborhood is SOOOOOOOOOO pretty and humungous lol He gave me the tour of his house and then outside to see the horses, Mo and Jade <3<3

Jade was HUGE! but she let me pet her lots and all that fun stuff. She kinda scared me but shhhhh

Mo put his cock out, it was scary lol

when i left i hit a tree. It sucked. lol thats all.

I had a good time :0)

oh man i forgot about Felix, the alien cat!!!

okay.. i don't want to sound mean but it was the scariest thing i've ever seen practically lol

imagine Mr.Bigglesworth but scarier. It was wrinkly and it had a crazy alien head

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:: 2003 12 June :: 2.16 am

Sr.Garbarino just left.

Confined to the house tonight cause I "got home too late" last night. pssft 3am isn't late :0P haha. well worth it anyways.

Ben came over and we chilled in my room and i organized my bead box then i had this craving for pancakes so to dennys we went.

11pm. call from home & yelling lol.

came home.. mom sat me down and we "talked" ended up with laughter and Ben & my brother thinks i'm the smoothest cat in the bunch haha.

watched Road to Perdition.... Greatlaker, Brandon... suggested the movie... good i think although between Ben and I it was highly predictable and us asshole critics, the movie was all laid out halfway through... and i laughed when he died at the end (what a sick bastard haha.)

that is all.

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:: 2003 11 June :: 3.16 am

Thank you Gregory Luke for a wonderful night <3

My twins, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! your party rocked my world!! + seeing all the peeps & unexpected surprises like Stef and Zack<3<3

Deli Ben + My twins!!

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