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| Iron-Cipher (profile) wrote, on 6-2-2003 at 9:50pm | |
| Current mood: depressed Music: Just to be with you - 3rd Day Subject: Under-Dog Syndrome Strikes Again |
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*sigh* I'm so stupid! My dreaded Under-Dog Syndrome has come back. ben you know what I'm talking about. For those of you that don't here's an explanation. I have never been the best at anything, or had an important role anywhere, and I'm used to always coming in second place, or last. I geusss you could say in my life I'm used to being runner up. So I have a hudge fear. Actually it's one of my two biggest fears. One that my freinds and family will grow old of me and I will just become more and more of an annoance, then anything else. Number two is that sense i am not very important or unique, that I was settle for, and a person, as a freind, as a boyfreind, and the dread that I will be replaced when somebody better comes along. I told Ben last night on the phone that I wouldn't blame my freinds if they grew old of me and didn't want to be around me anymore, and that I wouldn't blame Jess if she found somebody better, because I know I'm not the best and all I want is for her to be happy. I seriously dought my ability to hold on to somebodies love... My biggest dread is being forgotten, and never making a difference. I long to come in first just once. But I geuss I have because I have found some of the greatest people I know as freinds. I'm just afraid that I will be left behind... There you have it. That is my biggest fear. That I will never become the best, or important, or worthy, or even just remembered... |
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Angel_Bob | 06-02-03 10:23pm That's my biggest fear too.
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| kuso_dude | Re:, 06-02-03 11:29pm my biggest fear is some more of those quotes from jackie |
| ende | Re: Re:, 06-03-03 7:09am we are all afraid of that. but remember what God said to Jeremiah, "I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
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Shinigami | How rude!!, 06-03-03 7:19am Oi! |
alwaysforever | 06-03-03 4:08pm Hun, you will not be forgoten at least never by me. i love you and that is how i feel. I am so greatful that you are my boyfriend and i would never want that to change. In my eyes nick you are wonderful, you are sweet kind and caring and so much more. you will make a big difference in this world. You already have on everybody you have met especially me. I am afraid everyday that one day you will find someone who is better them me and then go with them. But i really could not blame you because i want you to be happy. You will always make a difference to me nick because i love you. |
| Anonymous_person | 06-03-03 8:18pm Uh good Lord that makes me sick sweetie. I looked at your journal, and from the looks of it (namely the first entry) it's all the same sickenly sweet crap I see every time I turn the corner. Yes I'm cynical. Yes I'm sick of seeing all the freaking love in the air. And yes I'm lonely. So what? Can't I take it out on someone? Right, I can read it now. "It's wrong to do that, what about loving everyone and thinking like Jesus?" Well ya know what, I'm frickin sick of it. What if I don't want to love everyone or think like Jesus and I really don't want to actually hurt people! I just want some freaking time with a person I like but I don't even know who that is so that doesn't help! And the person I thought I liked doesn't like me any more then starts going out with someone very similar to you in fact, but that's beside that point! Wait, I have no point. Nevermind. |
| kuso_dude | Re:, 06-03-03 9:55pm someone has man issues...hehe |
| harley | Re:, 06-03-03 10:03pm I'm sorry about all that. I really am. I hope that things turn around for you because no one should ever be unhappy. And you do have a point, everyone does. It just might not have revealed itself to you yet. Be patient, things will turn around eventually.
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| Anonymous_person | 06-04-03 6:30am Oh, and I was talking to alwaysforever, not Iron-Cipher for that reply. |
| alwaysforever | Re:, 06-04-03 12:05pm Sorry, i have fallen for the guy and i am happy. i am not use to being this happy. |
| Anonymous_person | 06-05-03 12:35pm Well maybe there's a reason why you weren't so happy and why it stayed that way. Ever think of that? |