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| imation (profile) wrote, on 6-6-2003 at 11:00am | |
| Current mood: restless Subject: promise me |
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| posting.... its weird to be back on here. haven't written in awhile. i can't tell you how many times i started to write, many 20-30 times... then just stop. not feeling creative, not feeling like i need to anymore... i do'nt know why. possible its because i'm still fucking in school (i am right now, sitting on the floor of my 'american dream' class with a labtop, typing.) see... i have this power point thing due today but i finished yesterday so i have nothing to do this period. or any time today. stupid may term classes... layout and yearbook and acapella... why can't i just go home and lay in the sun??? it won't affect anything. a lot has happened... maybe i just never write in here anymore because too much has happened and i don't know where to start or even if i need to write it all down. conor and i are still going strong... i get really sad sometimes thinking about him leaving next year. only 3 hours away, but still that's pretty far when i can't visit him on a week night.. and this summer... he works all the time, every day until 4 and i'll be in stlouis probably a month in all, and i don't know when we'll get to spend time together. and he leaves tomorrow on his rafting trip... i don't know. its just all going so fast. and next week wednesday is my last day, and lil comes which makes me soo happy to think about... friday awards, saturday graduation, and then what?? then i guess.. nothing.. then i wait a week and drive to stlouis and lose myself in comfortableness. i actually can't wait for that. i don't know anymore. my friends here are pissing me off- everyone but jessica. like some of my other friends still just cannot stop making fun/being dicks about conor and i. and even when i say something and i have tolerated it for so long... going on like 5 months now.. they still continue. i was gonna hang out with lowell tonight, been looking forward to it all week since ive been sick and had to help my ma with dance stuff.. and today he's just like i don't wanna hang out with you if conor's gonna be there, and he said the same thing to jessica about steve... i don't know. and jessica understands- its just like, we're not going to break up with them because you think they treat us too well. sometime he'll have to come to grips with it i guess. but oh well, i was looking forward to tonight- now i'm not so sure. haven't talked to taylor in awhile. don't have classes with him. elyse is talking again. figured out about the wrath of steph and is coming back... makes me happy. 11:16 and 20 more minutes until this class is over. its so quiet in here i think i might scream. my head hurts too. the dull aching behind my eyelids that makes them flutter and the clean pulse of blood behind my ears and neck that makes me unable to think. i couldn't do a project right now if i wanted to. I wish i were in stlouis now tho. or lil or allie were here or conor wasn't going out of town or lowell was understanding or ... something... oh well. i wish i was going off to college in the fall. colorado or minnesota or new york.. big exciting places. stuck in little ft.wayne for 2 more years. i figured i've learned enough. i've just been wading through busy work for 2 years and getting A's... i think i probably knew enough at the end of my 8th grade year for god's sake. i don't know where this is going. i should just "delete entry" and move on...pretend like i never even started to write this. pretend like i sat through class, staring at a blank computer screen. oh well. "update entry" it is. happy birthday agaain allie... did you try calling me last night?? i didn't get any messages, but apparently lowell called too and i didn't know that either so. call me tongiht or tomorrow after 5. or just sometime before you leave on monday... i have a boy here for you. he's perfect. hell, if i didn't have conor he'd be all mine. till next time, if there is one |
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leftofcool | 06-06-03 5:34pm speaking of graduation, i finally fucking graduated. it was long and anticlimatic. then i went and split 3 bottles of champagne with 3 girls. after that we went to the lockin where i won a cd player and a fan. graduation is better than fucking chirstmas, for sure. and now... im about to get out. life is good. come visit in the windy city. |
daydream | 06-06-03 5:50pm hey, i just called a little while ago. i guess i'll try again after 5.
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