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| mle (profile) wrote, on 7-8-2002 at 1:49am | |
| Current mood: depressed Music: stone temple piolets - creep Subject: and it all comes crashing down... |
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yup. down again. i dont know why. well, duh, of course i know why. 1) my weight 2) keith kinda avoided me all night and then he says hes gotta go outta town too this weekend (no date) 3) i hate work so much. they make me feel like an incompetent kid. 4) just normal shit w/ parents and friends that im so sick of. im sick of being alone. im standing on the bridge, im waiting in the dark i thought that youd be here by now theres nothing but the rain, no footsteps on the ground im listening but theres no sound isnt anyone trying to find me? wont somebody come take me home? its a damn cold night, trying to figure out this life wont you take me by the hand, take me somewhere new i dont know who you are but im with you... nothings going right, everythings a mess and no one likes to be alone (avril lavigne - im with you) thats what i need. a saving grace. something, some one to save my life. cause i can see it ending quite soon. lying on my driveway, staring up at the stars, i realized how big the universe is. its huge. unbeleivably huge. but out of all of it, im alone. i have nothing left. i mean, nothing. all the positives i can possibly think of have negatives attached that outweigh the pluses. i made varsity cheer = im too fat and not pretty/cool enough. a guy is interested = im skeptical if hes too good, or brought down if hes not good enough. chilling with friends and meeting new people = clamming up a little because of insecurities and jealousy. summer/freedom = boredom and overheating from not being able to wear swim suits and shorts. i could go on for hours, as pathetic as it sounds. im talking, well, kinda arguing with mark and laura about suicide and shit... theyre all scared and shit. mark didnt seem to intersted when i was gettin all teary-eyed on the way home from matt's! mle 3102: mark.... i just want to be skinny. thats all i care about anymore. i can deal being alone. i can deal being a bitch, or ugly or poor or stupid or untalented.... i just want to be skinny MVette13: thats a stupid goal MVette13: thats prob the worst goal you could possibly have mle 3102: thats alli want mle 3102: and ill do anythingi have to to get it mark mle 3102: anything MVette13: mle, thats stupid MVette13: what so great abotu that MVette13: why woudl you raather be skinny that intelligent MVette13: youve let the world warp you so much MVette13: you were such a smart girl, you knew what mattered and what didnt MVette13: now youve ignore all taht mle 3102: because i was thinner than i am now mark mle 3102: because i had some ounce of confidence MVette13: thin does not equal happy mle 3102: oh, but it does mle 3102: id be better at dance/sports, id have 150% more confidence which means everything improves:grades, relationships, goals.... id feel *comfortable* and *valuable* im having a similar conversation with laura too... blah blah blah... theyll never understand. this is something i *need* and ill do anything, anything to get it... mle |
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drunkslut | 07-11-02 4:29pm i still love you~always will! you better know that by now! |