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| aushpog (profile) wrote, on 6-23-2003 at 7:22pm | |
| Current mood: confused yet HAPPY =D Music: [ +] reLieNT k_sTaPLes Subject: I WANT TO RUN ... NOW!! |
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| hee. a happy song. i love happy songs. =D the only bad thing about this babysitting deal is that i have to miss two days of cc, which is way too much for me. i'm going to have to get up before jeffrey does tomorrow morning so i can run ... because i majorly need it. and i mean desperately. aw. eliza (friend jackie's sister) called me today to ask some cc questions. sweet thang. i can't wait til i get to spend a week running with those two -- they're such a blast. maybe THEN i'll have somebody that can help me pace. because i SUCK without it. not that i don't suck with it anyway, but at least it's better. lol. ah. i guess i better get to the hal thing. i have to mention it sometime or later or i'll deteriorate. lol im just playin with ya! but anyway ... he's one of my brother's baseball buds and this is his first college summer. he's one of those charming southern guys that has a ton of little elementary girls in love with him, lol. but anyway, i liked him last year and it turned into this HUMONGOUS (or as alex would say, huuummaauuunnngiss!) "thing." it still haunts me, lol. well i got in this huge crush with him because he was the only one of my brother's friends that was all nice to me and stuff, and then suddenly the world knew about it, and he acted so strangely around me -- he would stare his brains out (and i still don't think he'd admit it now) and do these little things that told me, "yes, i do know ..." and believe it or not, a year later, it still kinda goes on. though not as much. i don't want it to end because it supplies me with so much entertainment! lol. and it's part of who he is. the kid five years older than you that'll actually speak to you and spend time getting into your head (he must have a lot of time ...) just so you won't forget him ... well that's him, hahahah. but since then it's changed a lot. he just doesn't act the same -- he used to at least say hello to me but now he just ... doesn't. it's like my existence has vanished -- i'm just there. i'm always just there. and what frustrates me is that it's not that big a deal, and there are a million other things to the situation, and i can't spit them all out. and it shouldn't even BE a "situation." and when i write out what i'm feeling about it, it always comes out as some big depressing thing, when it isn't. you'd think that my whole world is torn into a thousand pieces because of this dude that "broke my heart" or anything else (even though that's entirely not the case), but the truth is, right now, i am the happiest person alive. you might think i'm exaggerating, but it's so true. i have the greatest friends in the world, the most amazing family (despite any problems that have occurred/are occurring right now), and i know that it's impossible to be alone because god is always holding my hand. what could be any better than that? i wouldn't trade my life for a million dollars. the hal situation is just another part of my life as much as any other thing that's happened to me. it's just a segment of my life, and it's changed me, and that's that, and i'm not going to let the "dramas" of adolescence ruin my life. the worst part of this is knowing that nobody will ever understand exactly what i am saying, because nobody has been in the exact same place. but i bet thousands of other people could say the same, and i'm not about to dwell on problems like these. it's not even a problem ... it's just that, the things about hal that once made me love him to death have lost their full color. but they'll come back, and i'm not so terribly worried about it as i seem. life may be short, but he'll know one day, sooner or later. there are some things that you can't keep locked up in you for eternity ... i just wish that it wasn't seen by everyone as a crush anymore. i mean, a year of liking someone is quite a long time ... lol. but it's okay, i'll be fine. i have other worlds to conquer at the moment, so i'll write later. oh gosh, i have advice for all y'all ... just KNOW that god is going to be there. no matter how horrible something is, just know that there's no "worst thing that could happen" because god loves you. god loves you even if you've lied or stolen something or even killed someone. and he gives generously as well. just know, when the world has gone upside down because of some life crisis, that everything is perfectly all right, because god wouldn't put you through something if he knew you couldn't get through it. (lemme hear an AMEN!) and that's the end of my sermon, leave a comment or something. lol. i love you guys! <333, au†umn "the doctor said, 'we need some staples for his head.' the doctor said, 'another foot you could be dead.' the doctor said, 'we need some staples for his head.' the doctor said, 'you should have took the bus instead.' all you could hear was kachunk, kachunk, kachunk. all you could hear was the doctor putting staples in this punk ..." |
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aushpog | hrm ..., 06-23-03 8:09pm i just want to make my comment thing show up ahahha ... note to self:
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Babypht208 | AMEN, 06-24-03 4:29pm AMEN sista...haha.. You are good. Im glad that u like to encourage people with ur words. Well i have to go now. I'll be leaving comments here and there. C ya.
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aushpog | Re: AMEN, 06-25-03 12:04pm thanks for posting girl! it feels good to know that somebody's reading my stuff. by the way, youre great too -- i like the people that have a christian perspective to things. we definitely need some good believers in this world. you rock girl!! =DDD |