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| DayDream (profile) wrote, on 7-16-2002 at 4:19pm | |
| Current mood: depressed Music: Ben Harper~Two Hands of a Prayer |
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| So I just read Sarah's journal and I cried my eyes out. I cried like a little baby does. I hurt her so much. She says she's not mad at me anymore...she said alot, but I don't know what to think anymore. I talked to Aaron today and I guess he got somewhat upset. He said he would call her so they'll talk. I'm so confused. I have no idea what's going on anymore. I can't talk to him anymore that's for sure of one thing. And two I have to make this all better for her again. Which unfortunately, will involve me in talking to Aaron. I did like him. I don't know what he thought. I know he wasn't trying to hurt her. I guess he just didn't know. I wish I could just take it all back. I wish I didn't have to make her hurt and I wish i wasn't such a wuss and have to cry. I wish i hadn't cried. I wish i hadn't had a good time and I wish I could just go away. I leave for Mexico in a couple weeks and it's just not coming soon enough. I am going to a baseball game tomorrow with some friends from my old school and I don't know how long i'll be able to pretend everything's fine...or how long i'll be able to stomach Lauren and Ray all over eachother. I guess Lizz and I will just sit there and pretend it's not going on like always...unless Andrew's going, then I'll be the only one there doing the sitting...God. I have to go camping with my Dad and hid friends this weekend too. Can someone just hand me a gun? He's trying to get back in my life now. Now that he just stopped being my dad and tunrned into some guy that just lived in our house for three years, he wants to be my Daddy again. Just what i need, to watch him and his buddies get drunk over and over this weekend... Goddamn, the song Please Bleed's playing now: Please Bleed So i know that you are real so i know that you can feel the damage that you've done oh who have i become? to myself i am numb i am numb. I just want to crumble into a little pile. I can bleed just fine, and I can feel too. And i know the damage that i've done, and i'm so sorry. I thought it would make me happy, but i was being self centered and i didn't think about you. And i'm so sorry. I won't lie, i did like him. I guess I just didn't know what the seriousness was. But fuck, listen to me i'm rambling...i need to be away for a while, i need to be invisible... |
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imation | 07-16-02 4:56pm ....just remember, the offer's always on the table.... i hope someday you will try it out.
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