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| plainmornings (profile) wrote, on 6-30-2003 at 1:32am | |
| Subject: stream of conscious |
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| Stream of conscious... chosen sweetly i fell. i fell out of your world. Drugs consumed many, not me. It wasn't the drugs as much as you lying. What made you think I wouldn't understand, wouldn't want to help. You told me that it was a plea for help, you wanted me to notice, to care but you did the one thing i asked you not to do. I read your words, your heart poured out onto this screen and it sends sharp pangs through my heart because I cared. This is probably the one thing that could tear me away from the perfection I have now found. How can I be so happy yet still feel obligation. Maybe I still care... I shouldn't. Conflicts of the heart yet I know what I'm doing is right. I have waited so long for this and to lose it for something that has not worked numerous times? If we were meant to be together then it would have worked. Maybe not the first time, the second, the third?? If we were meant to be together "forever" then forever would not have been terminated so soon. Maybe it was love, I really don't know. You walked out that morning, told me that when you'd said it you meant it and for how long I was screaming that inside. It broke my heart. Out of anger I acted and you walked away. I am not saying that you walked out on it because I pushed you away myself but understand, it wasn't just me. Amazing. I can be on top of the world and your words, just your words can bring me down. I must care, I guess I try too hard not to. I read what you wrote for her it was always so much more beautiful then what you'd write for me. You say that it was just lust, a fatal attraction for her and that I was "home", I was what was familiar to you but she was the prize. I don't doubt that you really did love me or anything but you never showed me. Whereas you gave her the world, you felt 100% for me yet only gave me half. You said that you would never say it if you knew I wouldn't say it back. You never knew how I really felt for you, maybe I was a fool for waiting. Maybe i'm smart. Two people obsessed with getting hurt and this is what you get. I have learned from this. I will give 100% from now on, my heart on my sleeve I will get the 100% that I deserve. I always knew I could do better. Why am I even thinking of this, its over, i'm happy, I don't need to do this. Goodnight. Disclosure: If you're reading this and have to question if this is for/about you then you're wrong and its not. If it was then you'd know. Thats all. |
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plainmornings | 07-03-03 10:18am and for the 800billion person that's asked, NO, this is NOT about Gregory :0P |