| Add Memory | Add To Friends | |
| mle (profile) wrote, on 7-29-2002 at 10:25am | |
| Current mood: depressed Music: incubus - warning Subject: mxpx - buildings tumble |
|
so the ass wakes me up at 8 this morning. my othro appt is at 930. and he wakes me up at 8. and bitches. and i cant deal. im surprised i made it through last night alive. he kicked me off the computer and tried to talk to me about my "attitude problem" to him and mommy. fuck him. i went to bed. if i hadnt, who knows. but i did. and i woke up just as bad. if not worse. and today sucks. ortho can kiss my ass. my braces will come off 2 weeks after school starts, i can see it now. fuck them. and training is gonna be a bitch. i hate it so much. i just want to sleep. is it that much to ask? sleep and never wake up... god dammit! i cannot stand this place! i cant stand to live another minute! i dont want to go to training, i dont want to go out tonight, i dont want to take care of the 100's of miscellaneous tasks mommmy reminds me to do every 5 minutes, i dont want to go to cheer camp tomorrow, i dont want to go to my auntie cheryl's for a week, i dont want to go to practices. i dont want to go to school. i dont want to live. i dont want anything here on earth. i hate everything. especially myself. im trapped in a fuckin house of never-ending battles and ive been too wounded to fight for months. i cant remember a time i was happy anymore. in all honesty, i just realized how long ive been suffering. ive displayed traits of disordered eating since 5th grade. 5th grade! i didnt even know what ed's were then! and i slit my wrists for the 1st time in early 6th or 7th grade. and yet, no matter how hard i scream, how many tears i cry, how loud i cry for help, no one will. no one will lock me up where i belong. somewhere away from this place. away from this everyday misery. why cant you hear me?! am i all alone in the world? am i mute? someone has to be hearing me. i need out. of life. mle |
|
| Post A Comment |
spud | 07-29-02 9:43pm boy. a girl after my own heart. as far as sleep is concerned. i think it would be nice to get together again. not the mall this time. i don't know. maybe a movie or something. the worst of my fall hasn't even started yet, and i'm already set to hibernate. just run off for a couple weeks. if only i could drive. and i had a car. hmm. addison can drive. but his mom keeps him on a short leash. my mom's gonna be awful. ugh. but, yeah. i'm busy this week from 8-5, but if you want to get together after that, i wouldn't mind. i might be going out to maryland next week, but that's not for sure. we've still got 3 weeks til school. and weekends after that. but yeah. if you feel like chatting, or just getting out, let me know. your mom seems rather fond of me, which must make things easier. i don't know. just call me up or whatever. yep. |
| mle | Re:, 07-30-02 1:48am hmm cheer camp till friday, and then staying w/ my auntie in ada till next wednesday while the family is on the uh, family vacation. so not soon. but we'll see. now i get all busy and shit. itd be cool to meet atman though. he sounds even more random than you. lol. we'll see though.. once i can drive ill come up there. less than 3 months.. *cant wait*
|
spud | Re: Re:, 07-31-02 7:31pm yeah. i want to drive. i really want to go on a road trip. just on my own. for a whole fucking weekend. just me, $100, and a michigan roadmap. up north is really cool. north of cadillac, and near traverse city, and the lakeshore. there's honor, and empire out there. they're the smaller places. interlochen. all sorts of places. but that's a ways away. i need a car first and a job. addison can drive. and he has a car. and cash. the lucky bastard. his grandparents gave him their virtually new oldsmobile, and his mom gives him gas money. but he'd be kinda lost without them. at least i know that, if i had to, i could probably suffice okay without my mom there to clean my room, and make me meals. but yeah. if you want to meet him, just set up a date, and we could probably drive down there and take you. he is pretty random. sometimes it gets kinda irritating, but hey. he can drive me places. but one day, i will have my road trip. hell, maybe i can take some people too. i'll cover gas, but they have to get munchies. sounds fair. hmm. yes. it might work. but that's like a year from now. |