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| mle (profile) wrote, on 7-30-2003 at 11:07am | |
| Current mood: restless Music: the juliana theory - into the dark Subject: my new picture looks disturbing :) |
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ive been working w/ that picture (well, the original - which is a norm color pic of me and bp at the halloween dance soph yr) for like 3 days. i hate photoshop. i cant get it to save on my angelfire site, even after i discovered how to switch it from a .psd file back into a jpg. grrr. anyways - its really cool when you see the original compared to the edited one i did. makes me proud :) but im dying here. going insane. sure, i have 2 books to read for ap english and the entire JA economics book to do in the next month, plus cleaning my room, fixing my site, and finishing up a project for gerald. but groundedness sucks my asshole. not only that, but not working. work gives me worth, and im only working every other day from now until the end of summer. and that sucks. so bad. specially cuz every day i work, they seem to have to close the pool. dammit. fuck this. im falling apart. piece by piece. i went from perma-happiness during/right after spain to perma-unhappiness. i cant stand this. i dont even know how long im going to be grounded - gerald is out of town until saturday. then we can talk. all i want right now is to be sitting in my favorite spot down by the river, smoking a marlboro light. just all alone. preferrably at dusk. only the river would have to witness my tears... but i guess i wouldnt mind having marcus sitting behind me w/ his arms around me. that could be a nice bonus. even though ive done it once before, i dont think id have the balls to smoke in front of him now. if he comes to visit me tonight, i might ask him to buy me a pack... idk how that would go over though. but ive never abused his ripe-old age of 19 in the entire year ive known him. i should do that. but then again, hes never really utilized his age either. ive only known about 2 packs of cigarettes that hes bought, no porn, no lottery tickets, no voting, no new piercings. ok so he goes to r movies and can drive anytime. thats the 2 privelages he abuses that i cant. ok mle. youre getting away from the point. and this is where i lose myself. parents want me to talk to them. never. marcus wants me to turn to him. i think hes going through enough shit putting up w/ me. and there are a few other random ppl who, if they knew how i was feeling, would be mad i didnt come to them. but no one can really help. i dont know how any of them could. they cant change my situation. they cant control my mind, my life, my capabilities. they cant make me love me. mle |
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lucifica666 | wow..., 07-30-03 11:44am your picture... is so... i like it :) |
| mle | Re: wow..., 07-31-03 9:59am why thank you :)
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