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| mle (profile) wrote, on 8-4-2003 at 9:49am | |
| Current mood: stuffed from ihop w/ stuss Music: the starting line - best of me Subject: |
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so last night i got home from work a little early, took a nap, and had a discussion w/ the parental units. its biting my tongue the entire conversation. i cant tell them how i really feel: that i hate everything they stand for. that i want to disobey them just for the pure concept of rebellion, just like they want to dictate my life just for the pure concept of authority. fuck them and their rules. they mean shit to me. in a yr, ill be at msu and flipping them the bird. in 14 months and 17 days, i will be 18. then they really can kiss my ass. even better, when im 20 and graduating with honors from m-s-fucking-u, they can get the hell out of my life *permanently*. no need for them, bc i will have no need to use them for their abundance of financial resources. the only reason im still living here is to suck them dry of every dollar possible. and to reak hell into their meaningless, conservative little lives. go to hell you closed-minded small town band geeks. so still grounded. but ungrounded. fuck them. i called marcus right after we were done "talking" (or me "listening" to their unwanted, cheesy-ass advice) so he could come see me. i told him to go out and have fun w/ happy ppl. but he could tell i was still bawling my eyes out so he refused to let me sit at home alone. he came over and we just sat in the basement. i hate hanging out at my house unless im alone or smashed. but i loved being with him last night. i dont know what it was - maybe the whole not talking to him basically at all since wed night, maybe because i needed him so badly, maybe because i dont want him to leave me... but i loved being with him. i was not sad at all. the moment he got there, my despair and hopelessness was gone. he was like maryjane - i totally forgot what i was worried about. i wanted to fall asleep w/ my head on his chest, i wanted to feel his arms around me when i woke this morning, i wanted to feel his breath on my forehead. i dont even know how i was getting so irritated w/ him last week. i feel like ive fallen all over for him. weve fallen in love its the best idea i ever had today i fell and felt better just knowing this matters i just feel stronger (the used - box full of sharp objects) and now that i feel for him again... he leaves for california on wed morning... :( and comes back right before i go back to school... but at least he doesnt go to school until early september... then the jealousy will begin... but im not thinking about that right now. im just thinking about my marcus while i go take a nap in his hockey hoodie :) mle |
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lucifica666 | grrr, 08-07-03 8:57pm i know how parents can be.... mine are the same way. They also dont trust me.... and they act like... themselves. I cant explain it. And they always wonder why i never talk to them... |