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| unbleachedblond (profile) wrote, on 8-22-2003 at 1:53pm | |
| Current mood: torn Music: jus the sound of the washer fillin up |
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| i went and got bloodwork done this morning. i still hate how they jab u mercilessly and then jus let the vial fill up with the dark burgandy liquid *shudders* yea i watch it. but what i found interesting was that the nurse lady (phlembotomist?) actually had tb (the germ - the same thing i have) and was only on INH for a month becuz her hair was falling out. the health department was like "well its ur choice". but she brought up a good point. we (me, her and everyone else in our situation) will always test positive for tb. so there really isnt any way for the health department to know if this shit is workin or not. so yea i dunno. mom still has the utmost faith in the electricity thing but i dunno. its kinda cool. u can actually feel the electricity going through ur body. i have an appt for it tonite at 6. i decided to call into work sick. i was only supposed to be there from 1-4 but i jus feel funny. my left arm is reallllllly sore (which makes absolutley no sense considering it was my right arm that got stabbed). and im really light-headed. that could be cuz i havent eaten today - or taken my meds. i really need to start eating. i cant keep eating like this. im barely eating one meal a day. and its not like im anorexic or sumthin - its jus that im never hungry. i literally haveta force myself to eat. its not good. im down to 114lbs, which isnt healthy at all. but if i force myself to eat, i feel sick to my stomach so its a lose/lose situation. i really sucked on my final. i only knew 11 questions. i called cathy and left a message on her cell but she hasnt called me back so i'll tell u what i got when i hear from her. i met a really cool person the other night. at first he seemed kinda shy or withdrawn or sumthin. but later he opened up a lil more. he seemed pretty cool. the four of us should hang out again sumtime - it was fun. ok here goes. im so utterly confused. i fell for this guy like a couple monthes ago and have been tryin to convince myself otherwise for the same duration. its so hard cuz once i feel that im over him, then i see him again and all those feelings come rushing back. and its not just a physical thing either. thats what makes it hurt even more. im so accustomed to not letting myself fall for guys that its just so hard. *sigh* i dont know what to do. i dont wanna get hurt. i have a hard time with committment anywaz and i dont like to trust ppl with my feelings. that makes it all the more difficult. its not that i dont trust him, its jus that i dont really trust myself. im so confused. why must this happen to me? ive never fallen for a guy this hard. never. i jus dont know what to do. i dont wanna compromise our friendship either. god i dunno. i also found out that i need to get my license. cuz otherwise i have no way of gettin to/from school this year. thats jus one more thing for my mom to worry about. yea come to find out - both my parents are depressed tho they wont admit it. my mom hates her job, is going to school and has to worry about all us kids. my dad hates his job, wants to quit. and he has to adjust his schedule around all of us. so yea. both my parents hate their jobs and dont get to do anything that they really enjoy anymore. dont that suck? hell id be depressed to. massage therapy starts tomorrow. 9-5 both sat and sun. that'll be fun. im takin it with my mom. all i know is that we haveta wear shorts and tank tops and bring a pillow case and sheet. im thinkin free massages. that'll be nice becuz i know we'll both need it. but im out all. im in a laundry mood so hell im doin laundry. latas. |
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jburt1 | 08-23-03 12:07am That's so dumb that they put you on medication that they're not even sure works. Hope you resolve your guy problems though. |
Fatman | 08-24-03 8:16pm I'm afraid that you're at a catch 22 in this situation, simply because for anything to come from said feelings, you must bare your soul to this person. If you don't, there's no chance ofyou being hurt, but consider this: how much more could it hurt to have your feelings known than to let that feeling swell and multiply inside you, and know that nothing can ever come of it? Oh yeah, I didn't fall off of the Grand Haven Pier and die. |