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| Jennabear (profile) wrote, on 8-29-2003 at 8:07am | |
| Current mood: calm Music: DBC--I don't know what this song is called, though. Subject: I have so much time til class.... |
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| So..yesterday before classes, I was reading my book, as I was almost done with it. The main character's friend died. This guy was like his brother...and he died, despite the main character's attempts to save him. And I started bawling, and couldn't stop. I realized how scared of death I really am. I mean, I'm so scared of losing the people around me that I would rather die first so I wouldn't have to go through losing them...It's bad. I'm not scared of dying, myself, I'm just scared of living without the people that I feel I need. I mean...Shawn died, and maybe it was the circumstances of his death that made it all the worse...but that was, no HAS been soooo hard for me, and it's been almost 2 years (somehow). And every day, I still think about him, wonder what could have been...and miss him like hell.. And I barely knew him. What's going to happen when I lose someone that knows me inside and out, when I lose one of the people I turn to when I can't handle life by myself anymore? I don't want to know.......I know that death is a fact of life, ironically, but the feelings afterward...the wondering where they are now, and the feeling that you never told them everything you should have...that shouldn't be a fact of life, because...I can't deal with that. Maybe I'm just weak. Maybe I just love my friends too much... |
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| Anonymous | 08-30-03 1:05am try not to think of death as a loss, but looking back on their life and thinking how great it was...
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Jennabear | Re:, 08-30-03 5:48pm Well, I don't know who you are, you could write your name ya know...
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| Anonymous | 08-30-03 10:40pm We love you too Jenna! (first time I've seen this)
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