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| alitar (profile) wrote, on 9-3-2003 at 12:23am | |
| Current mood: nostalgic Subject: Up and Down |
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| There are moments when I feel fine, when the people around me are talking and I'm conversing back. I almost feel that I'm on the cusp of something ressembling friendship, or comfort, or casualness. But then there are many vivid moments when I consciously think to myself: there's no way I'm going to find friends like in high school, where I could do or say anything and just talk without thinking and searching for little platitudes that mean jack shit. The girls on the floor are still nice; we banded together to decorate the hall with stars and lettering and whatnot. Kindergarten-like with the scissors and construction paper, and lots of encouragement and niceties; silly, but nice on a very simple level of bonding. The guys on my floor are invisible. We had a floor metting at breakfast, and most of the girls showed up, while one guy walked in, ate, left, and one more guy came in. 24 girls and 16 guys on the floor, but at this rate, it's becoming an all girls floor. I guess these boys are just too manly for this kind of thing. Snerk. Concert in the evening, with I Mother Earth, which fell off the planet in the mid-90s. Boring. I wish I were at Mac with Our Lady Peace! Tri- tell me about it! Dude, I LOVE that group. Some other university had Theory of a Dead Man, another band I like. What's up with this? Then, my floormates wanted to get into the on-campus bar, where I wasn't too keen on going, but said yes, because I didn't want to be alone or the spoiler. Met a nice friend of a roommate's, looks like he and I will get along. Also talked to Veggie's friend, nice girl, but we'll see where that goes. I need to find somebody soon, just one person, so I won't go insane trying to make vapid conversation with people who I know won't be so nice in a few weeks. I hate that I can't truly connect with people, that the harder I try the worse I end up feeling when I don't. I don't remember feeling this distinctly uncomfortable in a new environment before. At last in France I had an amazing family. I need classes to start soon, so that I can do something familiar. Clubs, student council committees, I need work more than ever so that I can focus on something productive and hopefully meet people through my classes. I guess I take weird leaps sometimes, ie. French exchange, to test myself and go through the difficult to get to something great. I hope I get whatever that is, and I hope it's here. |
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da | lor, 09-03-03 8:41am Theory of a Dead Man *was* at mac, lol.
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| tmx | Re: lor, 09-03-03 12:42pm theory of a deadman was at mac, and our lady peace wasn't and isn't coming. we're getting bif naked and treble charger.
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