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| mle (profile) wrote, on 9-7-2003 at 4:52pm | |
| Current mood: overwhelmed. as always. Music: broken sunday - lost in you Subject: the more emo i get |
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losing myself in this... well youll never find it if youre looking for it... rather waste some time with you (the used - blue and yellow) maybe i should give up the search and stop fighting this... marcus hates calvin. hates it with a passion. hes considering going to msu at semester or next fall. otherwise he'll be at gvsu. let me be the first to say im glad he wont be at calvin much longer. their rules are ridiculous and i am so glad i am no longer applying there. but now here is my problem... i want to get a degree in design - like web design or photography. but the schools i can get into are the academic kind - msu, u of m, etc. they dont have good programs (if they even do at all) for that kinda stuff. but the parentals have already stated they will not pay the tuition for the private art college in detroit that i really would love to go to. not to mention im way too intimidated to even visit there. i feel like a monet stuck in the body of an einstein. well. you get the idea. im so hopeless and inexperienced that i feel i will never have the confidence to tap into the things i *really* care about. i love the arts. photography and music are something that are so wonderful... and i dont have the strength to get back into music like i did so long ago. and i dont have the faith in myself to pursue photography. i dont see a future in it. but thats just my parents talking. them and their over-critical, non-supportiveness of anything non-mainstream. but im not mainstream. and i never will be. i used to be only because they told me i had to. that there was no future in anything i loved as a child... and nothing i was or did was ever good enough for them. nothing. but now i realize how conservative and narrow-minded they are. how ridiculous their expectations are. well i will not try to reach those expectations. i live for myself now... and i will not listen to them anymore. and lately the closest to functioning i can be is collapsing in a heap and crying until i go numb... mle |
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spud | 09-07-03 10:47pm welcome to the party boat.
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| mle | Re:, 09-08-03 7:26pm you rock my party boat.
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