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fadingfallenstar (profile) wrote,
on 9-13-2003 at 10:31am
Music: afi-the great dissapointment
well yesterday was good..some of the time...which would include me making a fool of myself...yeah. i am so sore from running, tackling people, etc. i guess yesterday was really confusing for me...the first part of the game and going to kellys was fun, i wasnt thinking of stuff, than reality kinda hit i guess. im so sick and tired of people. they cant accept who i am, hate people just because of how they dress, and with one fucking expierence hate the person. get over it...for your own damn good.

i hate it.

i hate that i have 2 groups of friends and no matter what i do people get pissed, they cant all just hang out together and if they want to hang out with me i have to leave the other group. i wish people would swallow up their oh so precious self pride and accept people. im so sick of people. im losing my closest friends..and for some reason i dont care, the reason i dont care is because they dont seem to care, so fuck it. i guess it is my fault im losing friends but its also their fault. i have no one I can go to anymore to actually talk to about my life. someone who wont talk about themselves...thats sad. but oh well, i seem to do well enough on my own.

blame it all on me...go ahead. i dont really care. there is no one like me. no one feels exactly as i do about everything...who i am now is actally the real me. i guess my friends just found that out, and they dont like it. well i do. its nice to actually even be honest with myself for once.

this was not to offend anyone, take it as you wish.
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kate

09-13-03 5:32pm

We're friends, but I know we're not that close. Despite that, you can always talk to me about your life and I'll give advice when I can. Or I'll just listen if you need that. I understand more than you know. So, remember, I'm here and I love you.

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fadingfallenstar

Re:, 09-13-03 6:01pm

thanks...that means a lot. i'll keep it in mind. i love you. *hugs

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wildthing

Re: Re:, 09-14-03 12:19am

gurl i know what you mean but i accept you for you you are so awesome you have no clue i like all your friends ya know but some ppl have a problem with me because i am heather rathbun and they dont like me cuz i am not popular or ya know i hate that shit to ppl need to get a life and get to know you before they go off and just think you know hey there like that well im not so i aint talking to her so yeah and you know i am here for you you have my # plus we only live right around the corner from me so lets talk ok! lylas gurl! byes!

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shorty

09-14-03 1:48am

ok i cant help but feel like this entry was directed at me in a lot of ways......

About the swallow your self pride and hang out with differnt groups thing.. i dont want to be assotiated with that group. I dont feel that i need to involve myself in the things they do or say. And just because i dont like some of them it has nothing to do with the way they dress. You jake and dustin are some of my bestfriends and you guys dress like them. I dont like them because i look at them *not all of them* and am just disgusted at how they present themselves. I wasnt brought up to act that way and i dont like being around people who were. Not to mention i think you seem to think i get pissed off because you're with them alot. It doesnt piss me off. It doesnt really phase me at all really. If you wanna hang out with them then fine. Or if you want to be all close with them then fine.

And i know what mean about there is noone like you who feels the same things you do. Do you have any idea how alone i feel? I feel like i have 0 friends. Honestly i do. Even with kevin.. i feel like i have nobody. My home life is shity and my friendships are getting all shity. And to say i dont care so you dont care hurts, because if you had any idea how MUCH i cared you'd be suprised.

Im so close to throwing in the towel on so many things, i've lost my passion for life, and i've lost everything that i thought i cared about, and the worst part is i feel like i want to kill myself and have no one to turn to.

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fadingfallenstar

Re:, 09-14-03 1:45pm

erika that was not at all directed towards you, im sorry if you took it that way. it was directed towards SO many other people...seriously, i wanted to talk to you about it. friday was one of the worst nights, i had fun but the whole time my mind wasnt there. i was just sad. im sorry i havent been there for you. i understand why you dont like my "other" friends, you dont really know them but i guess i understand. i just get sad when i cant have good time with EVERYONE..ah well i can live with it.

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