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xxinterrupted (profile) wrote,
on 9-14-2003 at 2:35pm
Current mood: upset, depressed, worried, anti-social
Music: die trying - oxgyens gone
Subject: just leave me alone to die
the whole weeks been bad.. well, starting tuesday anyway. jim and i have just ben fighting non-stop all the time anymore. god, i don't even know what the fuck we're fighting over half the time, we just fight to fight.

so tuesday i had an anxiety attack, and god i've been seriously getting those more and more often.. and i don't know what to do about them because i don't want to tell anyone. i'm scared they'll take me to the doctor, and they'll want to.. i don't know, i'm just scared of them seeing my arm. i don't want to know what they'll do about it. they'd probably tell my mom or something. and thats the last thing that i need.. =/

wed. at lunch time jim and i got into this fight over something.. i guess he said that i was making fun of him, but i swear to god on my life that i didn't even mean to say anything bad. it just came out wrong i guess.. but i don't know, he wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the lunch period, and he didn't walk with me to 6th period.. i was really upset. i hate when things like that happen. god, it makes me feel like shit. 8th period i couldn't hold it in anymore. i asked to go the restroom cause i was crying.. mrs. gurdish asked if i was okay, i just nodded my head.. i think i was in there for like 5 minutes, and when i finially came back in the class room, i was still crying a little bit, and i felt everyones eyes on me. i hate that. i guess they were all waiting for me to get out the bathroom. how dumb.

the rest of the week was just bad. then came the weekend. god, i don't even want to talk about the weekend. i had the worst weekend ever. jim and i fought, and all i did all weekend was cry, and cry and think about stupid shit. i swear i wanted to just sink into my pillow and just never have to face anything anymore. i didn't want to talk or see anyone.
but i did. i had to go to my uncles family reunion with him. i didn't want to let him down. i may be a little depressed, but i wouldn't let my aunt and uncle down. kelly and i went, and everyone rode horses but me. the one who loves horses, but i didn't ride. because i'm scared not of horses.. of something else. but i don't want to talk about it.

so i'm going to go to school with a HaPpY fAce! on, and lie some more. =) yay. i'm so glad!

i hope i don't wake up in the morning.

i love you jim.
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ranksofthebroken

word up to a brotha..., 09-15-03 10:31pm

er. your attacks are no fun. my advice is let your arm heal up. i did that shit a while ago. its not worth it. let your arm heal up and see someone about those. far too many people care about you i'm sure.

when people stare at you after returning from the bathroom do what i do: excuse me i'd like to inform you all that i was crying from the pain that my kidneys were giving me and the urination process, when completed successfully, is quite a task. you first have to pull your pants down. then sit or crouch over the toliet. i prefer crouching, actually urinate which could take a matter of 2 minutes depending on bladder size, then wipe, pull your pants back up, flush the toilet, unlock the door, wash your hands completely, dry them, gather your personal belongings and head off. lets see any of you do it any faster..." and promptly sit down after that.

I'm sure you and jim will work things out. petty fights are good. they let you know your still here on earth with everyone else.

hit me back soon chica.

jasmine.

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xSwtLilAngel666x

>, 09-16-03 2:49am

Eep >_<;; Gah that really sucks >.<;;

I hope you get better >_< and feel better too xX;;

Arg ._.;; I hope you and Jim work this out xX;;

*hugs* always here for ya -- sorry I can't do more ==;;

((BTW, I like your layout =]))

Later.. =]

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