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| crimzonregret (profile) wrote, on 10-3-2003 at 10:43pm | |
| Current mood: depressed Music: From Autumn to Ashes-Cherry Kiss |
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| Ok, so this is kinda 3 days late but 3 days ago i was talking to Chris, and yeah jackass me fell for him, knowing he was like in total love with Christine. . .I choose the best ppl to like now dont i? I have the convo w/ Chris saved, I tried so hard. . .but ya know Crimzon Regret: whats the matter dEvourEr 3K: nothing Crimzon Regret: bullshit Crimzon Regret: tell me whats wrong. . .what makes u think ur an asshole, whats on your mind sweetheart dEvourEr 3K: nothing i'm pissed off Crimzon Regret: why, what happened? dEvourEr 3K: nothing happened in general dEvourEr 3K: i'm just tried of being second best Crimzon Regret: christine. . .?? dEvourEr 3K: you catch on pretty fast Crimzon Regret: chris calm down dEvourEr 3K: i can't calm down Crimzon Regret: dc w. me im gonna show u our convo, i didnt want to but i am going to anyway dEvourEr 3K wants to directly connect. dEvourEr 3K is now directly connected. Crimzon Regret: ripstarsfrmmysky: my :-\ face is cuz of chris Crimzon Regret: why? ripstarsfrmmysky: cuz he's in love with me and i can't give him the same feeling back and i am seeing jared and it's hurting chris an dlike i lu(o)ve that kid and i don't wanna hurt him Crimzon Regret: ahh confusion ripstarsfrmmysky: chris means the world to me sam Crimzon Regret: does he? ripstarsfrmmysky: yea he does Crimzon Regret: and jared? ripstarsfrmmysky: but liek things inside me r tellin me to give jared a try Crimzon Regret: but whats ur heart telling Crimzon Regret: u ripstarsfrmmysky: what mean and chris have is better then any g/f b/f relationship could ever be Crimzon Regret: hmm ripstarsfrmmysky: my hearts sayin to give jared a chance ripstarsfrmmysky: but like it's sayin to lub my christopher lubber boy too Crimzon Regret: dont u wish u could do 2 @ once ripstarsfrmmysky: that would hurt chris even more ripstarsfrmmysky: i'd hate to do that Crimzon Regret: no thats not what i meant ripstarsfrmmysky: i'd kill my self b/f i'd rip his heart out Crimzon Regret: wow, ur in a tough situation ripstarsfrmmysky: i'm gonna go clean now i just wanted to tell ya what was up... i'll be back in a bit ripstarsfrmmysky: u can tell him all of it ripstarsfrmmysky: i don't mind Crimzon Regret: ok im not telling him Crimzon Regret: its not my plave Crimzon Regret: *place Crimzon Regret: ill talk to u later though ok sweetie ripstarsfrmmysky: u can tho if ya wanted to cuz i don't mind at all ripstarsfrmmysky: bubi Crimzon Regret: byee dEvourEr 3K: well what i'm telling everyone dEvourEr 3K: is i hate being second best dEvourEr 3K: this happens with every girl Crimzon Regret: i didnt wanna send u it because it isnt my place to tell, but i did dEvourEr 3K: why don't you IM koryanne dEvourEr 3K: and ask her what happened Crimzon Regret: i dont knwo her dEvourEr 3K: hilbliss, that's her SN dEvourEr 3K: ask her what happened with me and her dEvourEr 3K: i was always second best dEvourEr 3K: and i'm so sick and tired of it Crimzon Regret: chris, maybe theres sum1 ur not 2nd best too, right now dEvourEr 3K: who? dEvourEr 3K: i don't have anyone dEvourEr 3K: christine is like all i got dEvourEr 3K: and my friend frank Crimzon Regret: i dont know, open ur eyes hunnie, no shes not dEvourEr 3K: i'm don't know how to react anymore, sometimes i want to live, sometimes i want to do dEvourEr 3K: die Crimzon Regret: no dying chris dEvourEr 3K: sometimes dEvourEr 3K: i just wanna cry and say why me? Crimzon Regret: chris, to some ppl Crimzon Regret: they would love to be second best Crimzon Regret: instead of being nothing Crimzon Regret: so w/ sum ppl consider urself lucky Crimzon Regret: against Crimzon Regret: ** dEvourEr 3K: how am i lucky? Crimzon Regret: atleast your in her heart dEvourEr 3K: i have to watch the girls i love be with some other guy, cause i wasn't good enough? Crimzon Regret: atleast she likes u Crimzon Regret: chris Crimzon Regret: trying watching EVERY person u ever liked walk off w/ ur best friend because u werent good enough dEvourEr 3K: christine is like my best friend, but i want more then that dEvourEr 3K: and i can't have that Crimzon Regret: i know how that is too Crimzon Regret: i understand how u feel Crimzon Regret: completely i do dEvourEr 3K: well dEvourEr 3K: this is what i'm saying Crimzon Regret: and i understand u dEvourEr 3K: i know something with her and jared is going to happen.. dEvourEr 3K: and i'm never going to get a chance Crimzon Regret: NO Crimzon Regret: dont think like that! dEvourEr 3K: cause jared got first call Crimzon Regret: so dEvourEr 3K: WHY? dEvourEr 3K: cause it's so possible? Crimzon Regret: BECAUSE Crimzon Regret: everythings possible Crimzon Regret: me getting hit by a plane 2morrow is possible Crimzon Regret: u getting a chance w/ christine is possible Crimzon Regret: ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE dEvourEr 3K: no it isn't Crimzon Regret: YES IT IS dEvourEr 3K: with jared there dEvourEr 3K: I DON'T HAVE A CHANCE Crimzon Regret: YES U DO! dEvourEr 3K: get the fucking clue? Crimzon Regret: chris i get it dEvourEr 3K: didn't you just hear what she said? Crimzon Regret: u need to think outside the box! dEvourEr 3K: why outside? dEvourEr 3K: when everything in dEvourEr 3K: is already there dEvourEr 3K: all the details i need dEvourEr 3K: i have Crimzon Regret: because ur putting more shit in the box than there is supposed to be dEvourEr 3K: well dEvourEr 3K: with jared there dEvourEr 3K: i don't have a chance dEvourEr 3K: can't you see that? Crimzon Regret: how do u know he will always be there Crimzon Regret: yes i see it Crimzon Regret: i lived like that Crimzon Regret: ! dEvourEr 3K: sam. Crimzon Regret: chris dEvourEr 3K: they are going out to dinner again dEvourEr 3K: i can't even afford to take her out Crimzon Regret: theres more to a person Crimzon Regret: than materialisticness Crimzon Regret: hes trying to buy her Crimzon Regret: as u are trying to win her dEvourEr 3K: yeah dEvourEr 3K: and he's in the lead dEvourEr 3K: obviously Crimzon Regret: chris. . hunnie. . . Crimzon Regret: materialisticness always is in the lead dEvourEr 3K: yeah dEvourEr 3K: and i know that dEvourEr 3K: but i can't give those kinds of things dEvourEr 3K: i can't afford to do that dEvourEr 3K: i'm not 21 dEvourEr 3K: i don't go to college dEvourEr 3K: i don't have a job that pays 13 bucks an hour Crimzon Regret: i understand that dEvourEr 3K: that's what he has dEvourEr 3K: i don't have any of that dEvourEr 3K: and he's going to have her.. dEvourEr 3K: and i'm gonna be sitting here dEvourEr 3K: once again Crimzon Regret: chris, if u think material is going to win her, all well and good in a way it will, but it wont EVER show her the love that u can dEvourEr 3K: yeah well dEvourEr 3K: what if he can? dEvourEr 3K: she obviously thinks he can dEvourEr 3K: that's why i'm not in line first Crimzon Regret: if he has to resort to taking her somewhere and buying her sumthing everytime they see each other, she wont have a chance to know the love, all she will know is material. . . .chris no1 can always be 1st in line, have u ever ran or played a sport and ALWAYS got in 1st place? i dont think so dEvourEr 3K: uhmn dEvourEr 3K: that's the thing dEvourEr 3K: i never get 1st place Crimzon Regret: it always starts off being 2nd or 3rd best, but eventually u will get 1st place dEvourEr 3K: i'm never the prize fucking winner Crimzon Regret: u have to be patient and not rush dEvourEr 3K: well dEvourEr 3K: if i'm such the perfect guy like every girl says i am dEvourEr 3K: why don't i have a gf? dEvourEr 3K: why am i so lonely? dEvourEr 3K: and sad all the time, cause i don't have a girl who loves me? Crimzon Regret: chris if im as sweet as everyone says i am, why dont i have a b/f. . i know how u feel! trust me i know, i know what its like to not be 1st in line! dEvourEr 3K: yeah well dEvourEr 3K: it sucks dEvourEr 3K: and i'm so tired of it dEvourEr 3K: i just want to know why.. why me? dEvourEr 3K: why did i get this fucking burden? Crimzon Regret: i know, but i force my self every morning to believe that somethings goin to go different eventually, im tired of it too, wht is it im never 1st or second best to everyone Crimzon Regret: brb dEvourEr 3K: k Crimzon Regret: k dEvourEr 3K: wb Crimzon Regret: thank you dEvourEr 3K: well this is what i'm saying dEvourEr 3K: out of everything in the world at this moment, the thing i would want more than anything in the world is her, that's it her.. Crimzon Regret: i kno thi Crimzon Regret: s dEvourEr 3K: well it's like i'm suffering Crimzon Regret: i understand, i know what its like, its the worse feeling, its like ur insides are being torn out like ur heart is being stompted on by a million horses dEvourEr 3K: well dEvourEr 3K: this happened to me dEvourEr 3K: like dEvourEr 3K: not too long ago dEvourEr 3K: by the last girl Crimzon Regret: this same situation has been happening to me ever since. . . .5th or 6th grade. .but to the point where they would find out i liked them, and hate me, dEvourEr 3K: well dEvourEr 3K: i dunno what i'm doing anymore dEvourEr 3K: regardless dEvourEr 3K: i gotta get off. Crimzon Regret: ok Crimzon Regret: if u wanna talk, im allowed on the phone till 11, gimme a call ok dEvourEr 3K: bye dEvourEr 3K direct connection is closed. I am way to nice, I really am! uggh, and now today. . .i wrote a poem its not done but its dedicated to him. . actually its kinda dedicated to all the ppl i ever liked. . . When I speak to you, I don't know what it is, a smile comes across my face, my stomach begins to toss and turn. But than I notice, it's not me that you want, it's her. It's so hard to hold back the way I feel, the only thing I am is there for you and a friend. But I want more, I want something I cannot recieve! When you begin to tell me about your experiences with her, my smile fades away, my stomach stops turning, and my eyes begin to water, I try to make the best of it, but I know that it's not possible, my eyes fill up with the unbeatable. I only have my thoughts now and the thought that I fell for you. But, than I discover, this is a continuous cycle in my life. I always fall for someone who cannot return my feelings. So here I am left with this space, this space in my heart that only one person can fill....(It;s not finished yet, so yeah, comment to me on what you think)...I try to hard sometimes. . .i dont know anymore, im just going to go Much Love |
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crimzonregret | 10-04-03 5:59pm . . . . |