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| Angel_Bob (profile) wrote, on 10-10-2003 at 11:38pm | |
| Current mood: bah Music: Down by Socialburn Subject: I'm nothing |
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| Tell me how should this feel When it comes to you and all the things you do to me This makes me feel like nothing Like nothing When you break me down I fall apart and wrestle with myself Inside I'm nothing ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lil Ben came over before we went to the homecoming game and we played DDR. My leg hurts now. Went to the homecoming game with Lil Ben. Rockford lost if you care. I got really sad. Someone would say something that would remind me of sitting in the car with Nick after he told me he was scared. Or Benoît fixing the 2 on Nick's sign. Or holding hands in the hallway with Ray. Or snuggling on the couch. That one's the toughest since I did it with both Ray and Nick. Or winter...talking about it, walking through it, falling in it... Crying over it. And everything brought me deeper into depression. Every memory. Every sight. Every sound. Every word we ever exchanged...I realized that I didn't remember them because I didn't want to. Now I can tell you details of every event we've shared. I can tell you what the room looked like. I can tell you about the fire at Jackie's. Her kimono. I can tell you about waiting for Nick to return from the hospital. Katie and I in Nick's room. Benoît and Tom in the living room. Crash and Burn. POD. Cold. Mechassult. Strategically placed straws. Phone conversations ending in tears. Vice City. Well I cried. I cried and I shivered and I cried some more. I feel so exhausted now. I want to cry some more. I want to face my memories. I want to remember everything so I can learn from what I did then. I want to feel all the pain and joy I experienced with you so I can learn to love and strengthen myself. I just want to talk to you but I can't even do that anymore. "Let's just be friends again" Friends... Meh. Friends help each other out. Friends talk. Friends are there when you need them. Well guess what? I try to ask for help and you run away. I try to help you and you do the same. I try to talk and you're not home. I need you now and you're gone. I wish I could say I don't care. I wish I could just say "meh" as I turn around and move on with my life. I wish that I didn't believe you when you told me that I should "stop playing with people's hearts." I wish that I knew that the "world doesn't revolve around [me]." I wish all the words you said had never hit their target. I wish this would all go away. I wish I could talk to you without crying. I wish I could face you without screaming. I wish I was afraid of death. I wish I knew where I was going. I wish I knew where I was coming from. I wish I couldn't feel. I love you all. |
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aerii | 10-11-03 12:27am Im sorry... I love you... Im here for you. |
Threshershark | 10-11-03 8:09am You should read 'Out of the Silent Planet' by CS Lewis. It's a science fiction book he wrote, it deals with issues like holding on to memories and how they effect us. |
Viper15 | Re:, 10-11-03 9:15am Ive read it, it is a good book, but rachel i want to help and be there any way i can... i promise |
| fuctxupxkid | Re: Re:, 10-11-03 10:09am i heart you rachel .. *hugs* |
godessalthena | 10-11-03 10:25am i love you! |