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| justplainolemica (profile) wrote, on 10-12-2003 at 7:46pm | |
| Current mood: gloomy Subject: It was the happiest word for sad |
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| I am still in the cloud of confusion. I still dont know what to do or what to think. I wish that I was a normal person who would just talk to someone. Heck I wish there was someone to talk to. I know Mal will read this and say hey talk to me anytime but I dont know what it is but I just cant talk to her about it because I know that she is having a million and one problems of her own. Thats how I work, if someone is having a problem they dont need mine too. Who cares if they say it is ok or not. So Mal has a problem and so does Erik... now I'm fresh out of talk to people. So here I am to think of things myself and I dont know what to do. On top of it all people are expecting that I behave like good ole chipper mica. I kind of think that people see my break with John as a chance to go out and have fun because I dont have to be talking to John or anything. but what they arent thinking of is that I am really not in the mood. It takes all I have not to just lay in bed and cry all day. I cant think about the whole situation to much or I just cry and then what am I supposed to tell everyone in the room here... sorry I dont want to talk to any of you. How far does that take you and how long can you resist them all saying that you need to talk. And I really dont want to talk to any of them. I want to talk to an outsider. Who doesnt know how John and I are together and who doesnt know John that well. And ideally itd be a guy. I just want a male perspective without there being any judgment or previous knowledge. I dont know what else to write, there is so much more to be said but I dont feel like saying it. I wonder if it is healthy, prolly not. I prolly should talk to someone and prolly should at least write it all out to myself... but I cant. I just cant. I'm a wreck and Iknow it. And the minute I open up thats when others will see that I am a wreck too. And I dont want to show them that. I dont want people to know. |
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andthisislife | 10-12-03 8:08pm sex can wait
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| justplainolemica | Re:, 10-12-03 9:25pm I dont know if you intended to make me smile or not. I dont know who you are or what the comment means but I do think that its fun that random please read my journal... read on, this is an interesting time in my life... possibly some interesting journals could come out of it. |
| justplainolemica | Re: Re:, 10-12-03 9:26pm I meant to say random people... not random please |
| andthisislife | Re: Re:, 10-12-03 9:38pm anytime |