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Aaron (profile) wrote,
on 11-9-2003 at 5:04pm
Music: today, smashing pumpkins
Subject: "pidgeons go 'kpff'!!!"
"pink ribbon scares, that never forget. i tried to wash away, all these regrets. my angel wings were brused and restrained, my belly stings..." never IM me, don't ever call, i'm going to a different church...i would have thought that two years of silence would have taught you not to talk to me....i'm sorry, i don't want ot hurt you, but this is a new age for me, i moved on...i love tori now, can't you see that? that place you tired to fill is her's. and yeah, keep your ideas about her looks and abilities to understand to yourself...to be honest, i think she's beautiful, and she is the only one that does understand..."the only thing more precious than life is the person you choose to live it with"...he was right, and i chose tori, not you...
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-nightsloth-

11-09-03 11:20pm

GIVE ME METAL! NOW FUCKING NOW DAMMIT!!!! IVE GOT HAPPY CHURCH GRINDED INTO MY FUCKING BRAIN!!! I CAN FEEL MY SELF WASTING AWAY WITHIN!!!!

(reply to this)
Aaron

Re:, 11-12-03 2:07am

heavy metal? ok....*mails slpknot CD to you* actually, go to accuradio.com. it's so cool.

(reply to comment)
-nightsloth-

Re: Re:, 11-12-03 8:09pm

accuradio.com huh? ok. thank you good sir.

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blackcandynecklace

11-11-03 12:01pm

that's sweet about tori.. but unless the other person hurt you, that was kinda hard. but it's good your saying how you feel!! good job :hug:

(reply to this)
Aaron

Re:, 11-12-03 2:04am

thanks jen. i don't know what about that relationship hurt me, but it ate me inside out. and whenever i'm around kalie, i remember all to well. deep inside, i know that i've always loved tori. not since i met her. love at first sight doesn't work. it was a childish crush at first, then it became a slightly more serious crush, then i really like her. buy the time sixth grade rolled around, it was love, and sixth grade marked the beginning of a new era for me. i kne wlove, pain, i started to become more like a man than some helpless little boy, like in disarm buy smashing pumpkins. "i used to be a little boy..." i'm not anymore...i had to grow up and realize what the world around me was...a shit hole. one big shit that god took and somehow we managed to spawn ourselves from it. and what's worse than having to live in it is that it won't even accept me for who i am. i mean, could it just maybe be a small possibility that we're all just people? obviously they don't think so. so i have to fight it and totally without legitimate reason. haveing painful experiences brought back on you doesn't help at all.

(reply to comment)
Aaron

Re: Re:, 11-12-03 2:05am

*huggs*

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independenttruckergrl

Re: Re:, 08-18-05 10:50pm

Like I said, you're all twisted up in your own web of lies. The world being a complete shit hole? Frankly, that is bullshit. The world is what we make of it, and if you want it to not be a shit hole.. stop complaining and fighting against it and change it!

Nothing is going to come out of fighting against something. It just makes things worse. Try and change it, we have more power than we know.

They won't accept you because you won't accept yourself.

Of course we're all people! Duh! It's not like we're penguins or something odd of the sort. Not all people are good. Sin posioned the Earth. People chose to listen to Satan, and you could help by listening to God and getting out of your damn web of lies.

You don't have to fight! Don't you understand that? No, apparently not. You don't always have to fight every thing that is thrown your way. Some stuff, yes you do have to fight. But you don't have to fight the world! Sometimes you just have to go along with the flow and change things along the way..
It's you against the world, and you chose this for yourself. God didn't tell you to go fight... you told yourself to fight.

Well, no kidding it doesn't help.. that's why I've left you alone for a long time. But when all this was going on, you didn't handle it as well as you could have. You didn't have to fight me every second of your life. You chose to fight against me instead of just being my friend, and now look what's happened? I pushed and shoved back, and right now, we're not on very good terms.

I know you've changed and that I've changed. But still, I see a little of this in you still.

You're falling back into thinking the world is a hopeless shit hole, and from experience, that is going to get you nowhere.

I think you're afraid, of change, you're afraid of the world. You're hidding yourself from it. There's nothing to fear, really. It's just a world, full of people. And if you're in God's hands, he'll make sure you're ok.

Look, if I've ruined your life in one way or another, I am really sorry, and no, I'm not trying to make it up to you by giving you all this advice. I live for the today and tomorrow, not yesterday.

I am giving this advice to you to give you something to think about, and because I care about you, and I hate to see you this way.

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FallingTearsofDarkness

11-11-03 7:04pm

I will leave u and Tori alone...just do me a fav and dont leave me here..ur the only friend i have complete trust in...during the two years of silence i was doing just fine.. i didnt think about r once called "love" or nething...now that ur back in i cant let u back out..i understand that Tori understands u more and that u love eachother..but i am truly sry that u r going to shut off contact from me completly..i screwed up major and trust me im paying for by loosing the best friend i ever had..and for this im truly sry....
*Kalie

(reply to this)
Aaron

Re:, 11-11-03 8:32pm

i...i have no idea how i'm supposed to deal with this...the past is haunting my dreams now...

(reply to comment)
shalee

Re: Re:, 11-12-03 7:33pm

having the past haunt your dreams really sucks, doesnt it? that's why I'm afraid to go to sleep at night..

(reply to comment)
independenttruckergrl

Re: Re:, 08-06-04 7:02pm

well thats too bad for you!

And..and..Im mad at you for making me suffer like that.

That is just plaining evil...

(reply to comment)
independenttruckergrl

Re:, 08-06-05 7:44pm

I really, really had some grammer issues...

oooh. I hate reading this, because it hurts.. but I don't know. I don't have anymore links to my past.. they're all long gone.. I want them back!

It doesn't hurt that bad actually, just a sort of stinging sensation. It's like... we're grown up, but still, somethings haven't changed at all..

ergh.

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independenttruckergrl

01-26-04 3:13pm

You're not going to read this..
but I'm sorry.
You don't think I regret everything thing I did?
Maybe I should put my brain to use..and think about what will happen..before I do things.


(reply to this)

independenttruckergrl

07-14-04 6:27pm

*pukes*

sorry. that entry makes me sick.

(reply to this)

independenttruckergrl

08-21-04 9:22pm

I wanna kill you.

So if you wake up dead in your sleep.
It was me who did it.
And I won't really care.
Because you are so fucking mean to me.
I fucking hate you.
Yet, I love you.

"I hate everything about you...but why do I love you?"

(reply to this)
independenttruckergrl

Re:, 08-21-05 1:59pm

That is exactly a year old.

Yeah.. Lauren said I should add something to the bottom because my last comment wasn't very nice.. and she was right.. it wasn't.

OH! Lauren and I decided you're coming to LC's homecoming... as our pimp! It will be spectacualar! We'll dress up really fancy and you can have one of us under each arm.. and it will be fun.
Because you'll be in a white tuxedo, with a white top hat, and cane.. and you will be smokin'

Hahahaha! yeah.. we talked on the phone for 2 hours yesterday.. new record!

and we decided that the only way to prove nikki did/did not have sex with you is to just wait until her baby pops if.. if one.. and then like.. if it looks like you.. then YOU LIED!

hahaha!

job office.... lmao.

i love you!

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