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Atman (profile) wrote,
on 10-29-2002 at 2:51pm
Current mood: Dazed
Music: Techno Remixes
Subject: Lost in a swirl of confusion
Basically, my subject sums it up. I'm lost and unsure of what to do. I have people around me who have things better than I do, and at times, I have to listen to them bitch. It angers me greatly, to listen to some stupid slut in 5th hour complain about how her current boyfriend was envious of some guy that keeps talking to her. I don't frickin care. Its deaf and dumb, as alice would say. (Inside joke she may not even understand)
It pisses me off greatly to see all of my friends with mates, (Proper term?) and I have jack. I'm not mad at them until I start to get mocked for my lack of aggressiveness. Spuds little theory on whats going to happen to me with and my future love life pisses me off to no end. So fuck you spud. Look at that, I didn't even bleep it out. Thats bad, just so you know. The only reason I'm complaining is because I'm sick of it. Its bullshit. Do you all really want to know why I don't go for a chick? Its simple. High-school relation-ships don't last out of high school. I don't really want to do that. The only situations I would go for the chick are the one with gunnie, spud, and moe. Those are the only ones I would capitalize on. Its just, I dunno, finding a girlfriend isn't that high of a priority in high school to me. Maybe if I find someone I don't mind being near frequently I'd do something. Sadly, their all taken. No, Katie, not you. I'm trying to stay in the same class, so I don't get hosed when I'm a senior. I dunno anymore. I normally wouldn't vent like this, its just that my lunch table is pushing me to the breaking point. I care to a certain extent. If I was in gunnie's situation, I for sure would have said something. No questions asked. Anyway, I wish to move on to a lighter note, so, I'm going to move on. Oh and Spud? I'm sure I'll have forgotton about what I said earlier by tomorrow, so don't bother bringing it up, or caring.

Anyway, This weekend was involved with Nate. Took care of horses, watched the baseball game, talked, blah blah. Not much, just what we usually do. Last night was interesting for me. I went to the soccer thing, which sucked last year because it was empty. Getting a free ride with the other varsity players? Thats really not the greatest feeling in the world, let me tell you. Now I know what it feels like to be Canada getting many free rides with the US. Its like being the third string QB on the New England football team. You were there, but nobody cares.
Anyway, it didn't feel so empty, so I actually was one of the causes of losing this year, so I contributed something. I hated most of it because Spud wasn't there and I couldn't talk to him. I basically had nobody to converse with, which sucks. We got through Varsity's extra super special presentation. I hate about half of them. They deserve to be dragged into the street and shot. The rest are fine. Afterwards, we gave out awards, and I was the first to get a JV award. I felt awkward, cause I'm not used to being noticed and in the spotlight. We got past everyone else, and Jamie got plaque's for certain individuals. Yours truly. That felt great. Me being voted for something GOOD and actually winning. So with my new best defender award hanging in my room, I feel confident about something. PLUS. Get this? Modishers quitting boys soccer!
YES YES YES YES YES YES!

THERE IS A GOD! AND HE PUTS UP WITH ME!

Thats basically it for me, so I'm leaving now.
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pinkpenguin

10-29-02 9:41pm

addison..i dont know. i just felt like leaving a comment, because i just felt sympathy for you while reading this. i dont know. i just . i dont know. bleh. dont mind me. i'm just leaving a comment to say "Look, I care" okay? okay. and now i worry that i spelled your name wrong. i'm sorry if i did. one D ? or two? i can't decide. i'm sorry. bleh.

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spud

11-02-02 5:25pm

sorry if i've been coming off as pushing you to do something. it's not right. because, forced relationships are always so empty. forced situations always so awkward. so i'm sorry if it came off like that.

it's just that i hear you complain that you don't have anyone. and i can't really help you. and i think you deserve someone, if you really like them. but if there's nobody that you like, and you're happy with that, then hey.

but you've been funky lately. of course, so have i.

i feel bad, because i know you have things shittier than i do, and we all bitch at each other. and i ditched on you for katie. that's not fair either. not fair to you. and you're right. katie and i probably won't last out of high school. which is logcal, considering that two months ago, all i could think about was jessie wilde. and awhile before that it was sarah.

so, faced with the fact that it probably won't last, why don't i just break it off? because it may last. and even if it doesn't, it's so worth it.

so that's my advice for you. don't expect to marry your first girlfriend. that's half the fun of it. is enjoying the times you have while they last, and then laugh at how stupid you were in retrospect.

sorry i haven't been very good for you lately. i am going to put forth some efforts to rectify the things i've destroyed in the past few months.

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