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| mudpiegrl (profile) wrote, on 11-30-2003 at 5:34pm | |
| Current mood: numb Music: matchbox 20~yourself or someone like you Subject: cold walk |
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| i dont really want to put this entry in...but i think i will anyway...sometimes you gotta do things you dont want to right?...homework, cleaning, going to movies with friends and thier boyfriends for a first date...::sigh:: sorry katherine...the appeal was thin. i just read andy's journal. wow...people are mean to him. yea. i want to cry. i dont know why. well i do but. yea. last night was the party...sort form or thoughts...turned out better than thought, wish food was better, fucking bothered by dad. i did nearly all the work...just so that he could go and invite fifteen or so people more a few days before! arg. patrice slept over...dont think she wanted to. jennifer left early...i dont know for shur why. dont think it was tiredness...i wished jackie good luck and told her she would do really well...am proud of myself. am proud of her too...it took her a while but she finally realised what she was doing, or if she didnt, then she did a nice job of fixing it. yea. jill is still bugging me. i hate when people just stop tlaking to people. its stupid. if you ignore an infection, it only gets worse. i still dont know what to do about nick. i suppose i am scared. becuase i dont know how much i can trust him. i dont want to trust him. because its like this with me. i trust you with everything until you betray me. which is opposite of a good amount of people. and i dont know. i know that ive done things to people to. thats why im so afraid to write this in here. but i always find reasoning in what i did to other people. i still wonder why jackie is talking to me again. not that i mind. because i cant bring myself to talk to nick again. not relaly anyway. a good hello and good bye is about all i can manage. im not really talking to neil. hes onlyn but i feel that im going to start crying if i talk to him...so i figure its better i dont. writing this...it seems so shallow. i hate it. i dont want to put it. i talked to patrice today because it bothers her that i say child when addressing people. its more of a recent thing...but its like this. i feel wrapped in a warm blanket and held when am sick...thats how it feels to me. i feel protected and i like it. i dont use it as a degrading word. am sorry to all who hate it. i want to go for a walk. or a rollerblade. i havent done it in a while. ill take my new cd player in the bag that i just got back. maybe...strange image of this girl in sixth grade. i was friends wiht her becasue cathy left santa maria and i didnt have anyone else really. so i was friends with meghan and one day in the middle of sixth grade i was talking to her at recess and she just turned around and was like "just leave me alone". and she didnt mean it as a temporary thing. i knew it because of the way she huffed off and avoided me constantly. i feel so empty. no emotions. i want to cry. then its some kind of emotion right? that indicates sadness...but it can stand for anger...and tears of happiness exsist. so then...what does whining do...walking time. | |
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Toki | 12-01-03 12:07am It's not that I didn't want to sleepover, I wasn't in a good mood. And I shouldn't have been all grrrish when I was, but I was tired too. And I wanted to stay, I was just too tired to hide that I was in a bad mood. I'm sorry, too many things were going through my head last night. I'm sorry for acting like I didn't want to stay, its not what I intended at all. You're probably not gonna understand what I'm saying, but ok...yeah..sorry.. |
mudpiegrl | Re:, 12-01-03 9:00pm dont be sorry...just worried. |
LiquorStar | 12-01-03 1:51am Hmm its funny that you mentioned that part about ignoring people and things..
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mudpiegrl | Re:, 12-01-03 8:59pm lol i cant. thats what a good amount of my friends do *ahem* and i know it doesnt make things any better, in fact, it tends to make them worse. i know from expirience and watching people...so i figure i might as well not. |
goose | Re: Re:, 12-01-03 11:52pm you know what so what if thats how i deal with it? just let me be. your only making it worse by bugging me and everyone else about it |
mudpiegrl | Re: Re: Re:, 12-02-03 12:53am ITS MY JOURNAL LEAVE ME ALONE. I ASKED YOU NICELY WHY YOU WERE IGNORING ME. i first asked other people so that if it was a touchy subject i wouldnt get blasted hoping thy would know so that if i should leave it alone they would tell me
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