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	mudpiegrl (profile) wrote, on 12-2-2003 at 12:27am
Current mood: tears Music: nemo/hum Subject: he's gone.
i always hate when he leaves. he keeps me warm. and then leaves. its like crawling out of the bed in the morning. its always cold. you were soo warm. but now you arent. i cryed. i told him things that were really hard to tell anyone. even jen. the person i spend so much time with. the person that i would dedicate my life to. the person who gives me a ride every morning. the one who i have to try to understand. not even patrice, who understands every word i say, nearly almost always in agreeance. the person who i hardly spend time with, but wouldnt mind spending every day with her. couldnt be sandy. i tried that too. but i couldnt start it. i thought about jill. but she wont even respond when i ask a simple question. what good would it do to rest the weight on the shoulders of someone who would put it down and walk away? what about the guys then? spencer. well, its been too long. i miss him. talking to him i mean. hes good for helping to figure stuff out. hul. nah, its awkward to be alone with him. cant write a letter. i dont even know how to put it into words. nick. cant trust him. the only person who's ever lost my trust. jackie. thats hard. would she listen or care? i hurt her so badly. i wouldnt blame her if she spat on me. neil. neil...my emotionless neil. he who arrives every night. i wanted to several times. yes i did. but...it never came around. then there was the far option of wender. but i lost him along with jackie. benton is too happy. stacey would tell me i need help. lisa avoids me, probably at cost because i told her i didnt want her to make a mess in my room. nah...everyone is getting too far. the only ones i can say are still right here.....are neil and jennifer. maybe sandy. i dont know. she seems to get mad at me a load lately. i wanted to tell jen relaly badly tonight. and patrice last night. and sandy friday. but i told neil tonight. everyone feels so far away.
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