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| moana (profile) wrote, on 12-12-2003 at 5:36pm | |
| Current mood: calm Music: air supply - all out of love Subject: i'm thinking of you til it hurts... |
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| i don't know what's going on in my head. i really wish i knew but i just don't. everyone around me is so upset, i can't be happy, and it bites! and then i just feel like i'm out of it, and i'm losing control of it all, and i know if i eat anything now i'm gonna purge it and i don't want to, i just wish.... this morning when i took a shower and went to kiss my mother hello, she looked through the flaps of my bathrobe at my neck and goes "what's that?" it was a hickey. right, lieki needed that. good thing she didn't recognise what it was, and even better my brother didn't notice it. and then i had to go to my dad's house, and babysit the two fucking kids, while listening ot my stepmom gush that me n al-ghalia (my half-sister) look EXACTLY the same. as if i'd look the same as that ugly bitch... and now i'm home alone and i jsut wish this could be my life, without my family. this is the only time this house feels like home, when it's absolutely empty, and it's just me and the cat and my music. i don't want them to come home, ever. it's horrible of me, and i wouldn't even be living here if it weren't for them, but i just don't want them to be a part of my life anymore. i wonder if anyone could provide me a place to stay if i got out? i wish i sitll had my 3eediya money, but i gave that to my brother to spend on the hosue when my mom went to lebanon. she still hasn't payed me back, about 40KD (like what, 120$) and i'm broke cuz my brother just took the last 3KD i had. whatever, fuck it, they'd probably hunt me down and drag me back to hell if i left anyhow. shyt i can't wait til i go to university. i hate this fuckin place, and i'm starting to hate everything baout it. i don't hate the people no they're good people. i just hate the things they do. fuck, i wanna hit something... | |
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stiglio | :(, 12-12-03 10:19am Were one in the same, concubine. I'd give anything to never have to deal with these people in my house anymore. God, what is WITH this weekend? Could it get any worse? |
moana | Re: :(, 12-12-03 10:29am fredubine i'm so trapped, i'm drowning, and i can't swim out. i'll die if a stay here, i jsut know it... i don't know what to do... |
| stiglio | Re: Re: :(, 12-12-03 10:31am I wish I had the answer concubine, I really do. But I have the same problem and I'm in that same pool with you. I really do wish I had the courage to run away. |
moana | Re: Re: Re: :(, 12-12-03 10:34am you could go if you wanted to, all you have to do is beleive it. if you have the chance, go, make a better life for yourself. i wish i could, but i can't, i'm too needed here, and i just don't have the plan you have. |
| stiglio | Re: Re: Re: Re: :(, 12-12-03 10:39am ha. I cant go. I cant bring myself to go. I dont have the courage, the money, the strength to just pack up, leave and leave everything and everyone behind. I wish I did, but I dont.
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moana | Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: :(, 12-12-03 10:46am i love you fredubine, you just made me smile. i don't know what i'd do without you :) |
metalhead | 12-12-03 12:12pm GROUP HUG! |
moana | Re:, 12-12-03 12:14pm but you hate arm orgies... |
metalhead | 12-12-03 12:46pm Just for you, ToTo. |
| stiglio | Re:, 12-12-03 2:27pm *thinks about whats going on for a long long time before saying...*
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