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| suspensionrings (profile) wrote, on 12-13-2003 at 10:42am | |
| I feel more free and at peace than I have in a very long time. I had no idea something so simple [something so destructive] could be so [falling is floating in heaven for hours]. It's like suicide, without all that annoying death. It's what I've dreamed of for years and never had the tools to put into effect. It is abandoning everything, and it is good. I can see him, dancing, shrouded in golden light. Neither of us are saying anything, there's nothing to be said. I'd missed him so much. Something very important in me was lost when he died. Now he's more beautiful than I have words for. You fail to realize exactly how much desperation you're carrying around until you're rid of it. This is beyond lifting a weight from my shoulders. This is growing into a new skin. Look ma, I'm a lobster. I really can't explain it. I grew into myself. I have tendrils, long ones, that curl in fascinating ways. I have nothing left to live for [towards, in pursuit of] and that frees me to just be. When one lacks direction, one goes nowhere, but when one has nowhere to go, any place can be reached. And I'm going. I'll miss you guys. |
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crowebasalt | 12-21-03 1:16pm |