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| silentcriez (profile) wrote, on 12-25-2003 at 12:17am | |
| Current mood: depressed Music: too much of not enuff - silverchair Subject: what a fuckin merry christmas |
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its offically christmas.. and i am officially most likely the saddest person on earth at this moment in time i want so bad to see my mom.. but i have to be dumb and push her out of my life when that is whats making me so deppressed.... ive tried to be strong and show her i dont need her but the truth is that i love her so much and i hate her becuz i miss her but i cant tell her that now, its too late.. she wouldnt care anyways i feel so alone and its christmas, no1 deserves to feel alone.. my dads asleep and i cant find anything to do with myself. i just sit and think and teh only thing i can think about is my mom and i start to cry. and my moms out with my sister prolly having a great time.. i promised myself i wouldnt cry tonight, and here i am drowning in my tears.... if only she knew everything i feel. i just want to wrap my arms aiound her and have her tll me everything will be ok.. i just need to know that im gonna be ok, becuz i dont know how much longer i can go on like this. its eating away at me. i cant handle it. each present i may receive today will never quench my thirst for happiness.. becuz no superficial materialistic pile of crap could ever bring my mom back, and that kills.... im sorry i sound self centered tonite, as if no1 else has problems. im sorry. but to me this is as bad as it gets, i dont know pain greater than this so forgive me for these tears... superficial superstition terror wheels and gloves and mittens slowing falling down upon my cheeks melting icicles, snow knee deep the scent of pine needles filling my lungs there are no stockings to be hung this empty home deploys its fears locked up memories broken tears one soul is missing, one soul feels pain one soul is indifferent, another insane the holidays, what superficial shit just give me my love back give it... cant take the pain as is rolls down my cheeks i see your face and fall to my feet this ribbon which veils my eyes cant see your evil scheme, your demise i cant just back down now, ive gotta be strong but i cant live this way my whole life long i cant sit here and watch these seasons pass flying too swifty why wont they last theres no snow on the ground this year the soils soft now, cobered with tears fertile heart awaiting its seeds give what it needs, give what it feeds... dry these eyes which shoot out my fears drain my heart drowned in tears evacuate each and everyone of my senses i want you back no matter what the expense is i wish most of all for one thing i dare not speak it may sound stupid, shallow and weak i cannot express the terror inside i just need some1 in which i may confide take back the presents they dont mean shit now superficial empathy, it dont make it better anyhow they cant make me happy, only put a fake smile on my face theres a gap in my heart, no toy could replace i would rather feel true emotions than smile with a lie although it brings sorrow, and tears to my eyes on this christmas eve, i ask for one thing the love that i need, i wish for the angels to sing for good to beat evil, for love to beat hate for these kisses not to come second rate for the truth in your eyes when you look at my face for you to come back home..and fill this empty space.. fill this gap which brings rain to my heart the miles and shit just tear us appart i lie when i tell you i dont need you i hate, what i need, becuz u dont need me, i do love you... |
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| Anonymous | i love u, 12-25-03 12:02pm aww manda i love u! im sorry :( i love u sooo much i wish i knew what to say but i dont.... well im gunna go I LOVE U!!!
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flyygurl214 | 12-25-03 7:30pm i kno how u feel.. just sit down with your mom and tell her to just listen to you and let u say ur piece.. and just tell her how u feel, how you -really- feel.. it will be iight..
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