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| sendmemoney (profile) wrote, on 11-24-2002 at 9:53pm | |
| Current mood: apathetic Music: brand new - last chance to lose your keys |
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| The red, yellow, and green pepper never looked so radiant in the glare of the yellow lights, or so blurry from my reddened, tear-filled eyes. As I keep walking, I turn my face down and unravel my hair from the messy bun so it tumbles over my cheeks and covers my eyes, defending myself from the curious stars the father with his two young sons is shooting me. He turns the little shopping car so that his two (maybe two and a half) year old faces the milk, unconsciously, or maybe consciously, shielding him from the dysfunctional mother-daughter relationship he was witnessing. With a “Watch my purse” that’s harsher than any supermarket lighting, she retreats to the cucumbers (pick long, thin cukes with a healthy, dark green skin) as I hear a husband asking his wife if they need any tomatoes for the salad tomorrow. I don’t even like peppers, but I pick one up and go pay for it (taking the purse with me so it doesn’t get stolen) so I can have it in my room and remember this next time we’re on the up side of this recurring cycle. By the time I return, yellow defense mechanism clutched in one hand, black purse in the other, she’s looking for me, and I return the purse, from which she counts the money in her wallet. None is missing. None ever is. I don’t know why I keep convincing myself that it’s worth the arguments to keep a good relationship when we can never keep it long enough. When we reach the checkout lane, and she recounts to me, ever unresponding, how her appointment with the lawyer went, I know why. I know why we fight and I know why she half-swallows her pride and talks to me, choking on the mix of words and dignity. What I’ll never understand is the pleasure she derives from seeing me lend a helping hand only to step on it and watch the tears fall. Lately it seems that’s the only way to calm her, so that’s what it comes down to. Watching my wall of apathy crumble before her eyes to reveal that I’m about as strong as she is. | |
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| Anonymous | 11-26-02 7:33pm that was so,so good,baby.i swear.
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