Its Mal, 01-09-04 11:15pm

Ryan- I think that its so great that you've had this great awakening. I know how you feel though. I know its hard, and sad, but the thing is- sometimes change has to happen. You're a really awesome guy and I don't know why a girl wouldn't like you so you're set to go. Go with your gut feeling- you know whats right in your heart. you're terrific Ryan! You'll do well in life- really- you will. I'm here for you- we can always talk- I'm on the same level *most of the time* and I can definitly relate. Just let me know okay? love- Mal

(reply to this)

HEY!!, 01-09-04 11:25pm

Hey Ryan!!!! (It's Mary) lol I dont really have to much to say bout that except I think its GREAT ur movin on thats cool!!! I c uv even got some "bookshelf" girl or somethin (if u know what Im talkin bout *bri's pro*) haha but I just thought I'd say hi and leave a coment b/c u said too lol altho I really didnt have that much to say so I hope it doesnt bug u that I left a comment lol but ok Im done now lol cya soon! love ya!
*Mary*

(reply to this)

From stef, 01-10-04 10:16pm

Hey friend! I loe you very much and you know how i feel about this! I am proud fo you to move on! You need it boy! Im nto gonan say n e thing else cuz im tired but i love you so much and i miss you man! muah always

(reply to this)

01-11-04 12:04am

this is how it goes sometimes. you're a strong person. i'm glad i won't hurt you anymore.
love
alex

(reply to this)

this carly, dawg, 01-11-04 1:53am

Hey Ryan! I just started reading your journal a couple of days ago, and finally finished all of the entries. You have an awesome way with words, as Lindsey already made clear. She seems like a really great friend and i deffinately commence her for her profound responses and also for her appology to alex. That was a very strong and meaningful act.

Lindsey, if you read this, know that anyone would be blessed to have a bestfriend that could even come close to matching the caliber that you have displayed in Ryan's journal.

Also though, please don't take offense to my views... I know that if you were terribly against what i had to say, you could verbally kick my ass with ease. hehe

Don't know if you've heard about me kids, but I'm carly and I consider both Alex and Ryan two of my very closest friends. Ryan I've known since 6th grade, Alex I've only known since 8th, but it has felt like a lifetime. I love both with all my heart, and want the best for them. Any time I get to spend with each is a treasure... its unimaginable the amount of value i put on my time with the two of them... it seems like i can't get enough. ryan and alex are just such wonderful people and i feel like these days i never see them anymore... ryan i see more than alex, but neither do i see enough.

Ever since August of 2002, I have been an "Alex and Ryan" fan. I was always the annoying girl who encouraged them to make it work, without of course, disregarding obvious tensions that had settled in. I guess I just felt like no guy could ever meet the same standards in Alex's life as Ryan did, and correspondingly so, that Alex could never be matched by another girl in Ryan's heart. I've heard the end of a first love can leave a deeper scar than the end of any other romantic relationship. I believe that people can fall in and out of love, b ut I don't know how finalized the finish to a passionate escapade of emotion can be. I take a "no regrets in life" outlook and believe that everything in life happens for one reason or the other. In this case, the move would have been more difficult if Ryan and Alex were still head over heals for one another. For this reason, I believe that getting over most feelings is perhaps for the best.

Ryan, I think that I have a different view on all of your recently disclosed emotions than everyone else. I'm not at all saying that I have a right to an opinion on something that I know so little about, but understandably so, I have formed certain beliefs. This idea is probably because I'm such a big romantic... I've never been "in love" before... but the concept is just so incredibly captivating. I hope that someday I will be able to undergo the bittersweet adventure. I realize that love is a very intricate subject, and can be viewed as a hinderance or an enhancement in one's life. Truly, I feel like you and Alex were so right for each other while you were together. I can't describe the way you looked at her, nor the look alex got in her eyes when she held your gaze. You and Alex both know that love was something you shared, but because of the occurances time has encompassed, things have just changed. A new year...

Babe, I'm stoked that you are happy again. It brings the biggest smile to my face, to know that you're grinning without falsety again.

Alex should take it as the greatest compliment to know how long you have held on to her, and also to know that you have let go not only for yourself, but for her. I know it hurt her to cause you pain and be unable to ease your sorrow or wrap your wounds like she used to. Recognize she cares too when you ache.

I love you to death, Ryan, and can't wait to spend the next 3 1/2 years being your PAL. hehe. take care, and remember...




no regrets.

(reply to this)

Re: this carly, dawg, 01-13-04 6:27pm

i uh... messed up on some phrasing in there... ha. haha. just try to overlook my grammatical errors... the stuff that sounds crappy.... oh and 3 1/2 years, my ass! Ry, we'll be friends forever.:-D

(reply to comment)

01-15-04 7:18pm

ryan- so i guess i've gotten slack with my comment posting...it seems that everyone at hoggard high has seen this journal and responded but me- your used to be "oh so faithful journal responder" (hey- you know you like that lol)
anyways...serious time.

first of all, you know that i started out by making a mistake by always putting the blame of your hurt on alex. it only caused more drama that wasn't needed in your life at the time, and im sorry for doing that. but fortunately, in not too late of a time, i realized that although alex had hurt you from time to time, you took part in the heartache too. yet, i had put so much blame on her because i was always receiving only one side of the story- which was from you. i began to understand that obviously besides some of the pain that you were going through, and possible she was going through, she must have been an absolutely wonderful person who you loved and admired to have held on to her for so long. i guess i kept urging you to move on from her, not because i didn't like her, but because i felt it was the first step in healing. she had moved on and you hadn't- you still stood there hurting from the past relationship, and being your bud -:)- i couldn't watch that without having a sense of anger with her. however, i did realize i was in the wrong for that and alex- if you are reading this, which i hope that you are, because you never responded to the last comment i ever wrote back to you, i hope that my apologies were accepted and mistakes forgiven.

all together, ryan, i am glad that you are moving on with not the urging of others but the confidence of yourself in your own time from your own decision. i think it will help you out a lot, rather than if you would've tried to move on for me or someone else who wanted you to. i hope that you and alex are simply happy together as friends this time as you were when you were actually together. im so happy that you are happy again ryan- you're the one who brings a smile to my face everyday....

and carly- thank you for all of the wonderful compliments...you sound like a wonderful person and i hope that through ryan and *chorus we can become great friends.. :)

i love you ryan and you know that because i tell you everyday...just do what your heart wants and dont listen to anyone else's opinion because in the end...it's what you wanted that makes you happy, not what you did for someone else that made you miserable...

(reply to this)

It's Kylie, 01-22-04 9:45pm

Hey Ryan. I am so happy for you. Beleive me, I know how it is to like someone for a long time and then suddenly not. It's very weird at first, but it's incredible how quickly it goes away. You might feel a slight twinge in your stomach from time to time- that maybe you still like them, but that doesn't last long at all (oh great, I sound like a side-effect label on a drug). . . but it doesn't matter how long you like them for, me, I've only had big crushes on 2 guys in my whole entire life (big= more than a week ^__^) I see both every day and not even once do I ever care anymore. I wouldnt give a damn if they had sex, or even if I never saw them again. You're over Alex, and that's good, because it means that you can be free. Freedom is hard, and sometimes isolating as well. Everyone having someone, or at least a crush. I havent had a crush in a year and counting. Not even a small one. It's a strange and wonderful feeling not to have hormones controling your life. You do not need a girlfriend to be fulfilled. Your a great enough person fill up your own life. Stick with your friends, they last for ever and they don't bullshit you with fake I love you's. I'll be there for you, I am not as dumb as I am told I look. And I've experienced a lot more than I let show. Hell, I never tell 1/10 of the problems I have, but I'm bottler. You have to open the cork to read the letter. IM me and maybe you will learn from my mistakes. (By the way I don't have your SN.)
xoxo always-- Kylie

(reply to this)