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| brokenmentality (profile) wrote, on 1-9-2004 at 9:12pm | |
| Subject: meh |
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| i tried out for the jungle book today, im semi confident... probably a bad thing to be seems how most likely it will be smashed to the ground like somebodys guitar, but ah well...... i almost think it would be worth going to prison for killing chris. its never going to end is it. our life will continue to consist of hell for the rest of our lives. because of him, my mom is so far in debt that i have no idea how shes going to get out. if i had a job i'd give her my checks, but nobody will fuckin hire anyone 15. we cant even afford to pay our bills. how are we going to do it... i dont know how we can. chris has a vicious lawyer who gets exactly what he asks for. i could go on and on telling you all of the awful things hes done to us... but theres just so many its overwhelming. sometimes i feel like god would just take me now......... it would solve my problems. but thats selfish becaus it would create problems for other people. im just sick of living like this. none of you know what goes through my mind on a daily basis. im so lost, and confused... i want my mom to be happy. thats all thats important to me. i cleaned the house and our basement... (BIG acomplishment) so that she at least knows i appreciate her, but it does no good...... in fact, im so pathetic that i just emailed a talk show telling them everything hoping that maybe they'll send us money out of pity. i feel like such trash even though i know im not...... i hate myself so much sometimes, but at the same time im proud to be who i am. i've overcome alot, its what lies ahead that bothers me. please pray for me...... as if thats not enough, "That bitch will be lucky if i ever talk to her again." Fuck you, go to hell. some people have a lot of nerve. *ok, FYI dumbass..... after stating a quote like that to my best friend, calling me a couple hours later and then emailing me the next day doesnt quite back up your "tough ass" attitude. you'll never talk to me again, then you call and email me begging me to forgive you. you're selfish and you dont care about what im going though even if you say you do. i dont understand what goes through your mind..... i dont think anyone ever will. you think you have it SO bad because your family is a little screwed up. you have no idea what real problems are like... dont pretend you do. and dont pretend to care when you dont. you make me sick* that about sums up my day.......... |
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.j.e.s.s. | 01-10-04 9:10pm Erika I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say but if I can help, tell me how. |