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| alitar (profile) wrote, on 1-12-2004 at 6:16pm | |
| I'm feeling extremely happy right now, so I thought I'd blog about it before it went away. Happiness is quite rare around here. It's not like I'm depressed or unhappy, necessarily, but there are moments when I am acutely lonely, discontent with the lack of intellectual company in academic and social environments, and they occur more often than I would like. So, since I'm in a good mood, I'll record this for future reference. A large reason for my improved mood is my marketing report mark. My assignment was returned today, and I knew that beforehand, so naturally, I was tense the entire day because I didn't know exactly how it was being evaluated. It was based on such an unstructured, ambiguous case from which very little could be extrapolated to compose that report, but I tried the best I could, and the 85 was highly satisfying. Remember that this Business 020, the only course I care remotely about that is also perceived as one of the toughest on campus. (It's not that tough at all.) Relative to my other marks, Business will be the lowest by far, but that 85, along with the identical mark from my finance exam, is the proudest accomplishment to date. I was truly expecting something horrendous, like a 70 or even 65, but was extremely pleased with my mark. Like usual, I procrastinated to the day of to write this report having worked out all my content the night before, so I was rather panicked heading into my class today. It turned out well, but I'll make an effort to improve on my habits this semester. Really, I'll try. I started reading LOTR today, finally, and the act of picking up a book, my first since the holidays, also gave me great satisfaction. I was trying to relax before my Biz class, so I thought the Shire would be a good place to visit. I'm also headed to the library downtown tomorrow, and I have a massive book list to plough through. Reading can also be taken as intellectual company, and I'm turning to it increasingly as a major hobby, to stimulate my mind when the university is not. I'm not as uptight about marks this year, for the first time in 6 years. This university environment is not like that of high school. where every fraction of a percent matters. I still calculate maximum possible final grade after I receive each grade, but in my mind, anything over a 90 is gravy. Sure, I want the distinction of being top in the class statistics, and I finally know what that feels like, but I know that law school will really only pay attention to my Ivey marks, and that these two years are a qualifier for that program. So really, anything over an 80 is truly a bonus. It's nice to finally not have to worry about every last percent. Sure, I was pissed that the 88 in MIT meant a loss of my 4.0, but it's not going to matter to grad school once I enroll into Ivey. It's a nice security blanket to have. I was unhappy at the end of the break to return, simply because I could truly receive a better education though film and literature, and intelligent discussion with friends. I griped to my parents, and anyone else who would listen, answered in the negative anytime family friends asked about my studies. On campus, I get incredibly lonely sometimes, very restless, questioning the purpose of being here, and complaining about the lack of value of class. Sometimes, I'll see someone walking on campus who looks like one of my high school friends from a distance, and I'll get sad that they're not here. Calculus at 8am 4 days week and MIT 025 at 9am 3 times a week make me dream up inventive ways of killing myself or the prof to end the agony. I simply don't need to attend these classes, but my parents didn't pay 12,000 dollars for me to skip class. I'm sure they didn't pay for me to relearn everything I've been taught at an inferior level, either, but for the purposes of this discussion, we'll set the value of attending class over that of sleeping in, ok? ;) I realize that despite my perpetual griping, I'm incredibly lucky that I even get the chance to receive a sound education. Here I am, complaining about how I'm too good for class and the general student body (yes, I realize I sound like an enormous asshole when I write that), when my mom never had a proper grade/high school education because of the Communist revolution in her youth, and that my dad went to work after high school in order to support his four sisters' education. Despite that, he managed to build a highly successful company, save up enough to retire early and move his family to Canada, AND support my education and travel opportunities wherever I decide to attend. I'm complaining about an overabundance of free time, and the fact that I can basically ace a test by studying the day of. Isn't this what I've always wanted through high school? The time to actively pursue any whim or passion without effect on school work? To not continually feel inadequate and chase after the perfection I'll never attain? These two years are going to be the last time I'll be regularly relaxed and unoccupied, free to study extracurricularly, sleep over 8 hours a day, and not stress over anything related to school work. With this thought, I present my 2004 resolutions: Attend most of my classes (heh, most, NOT all) Read (history, philosophy, classical and modern literature, become less ignorant) Study English grammar (it's interesting, really, and it'll separate me from my peers in the quality of my language and image) Study for my LSATs (head start on my peers) Read ahead in Business, study career options Improve my French Exercise weekly There have been so many times when I would feel down, despite knowing that people are truly suffering in this world, and my main goal this year to become more appreciative of what I have and be a happier person. |
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| Anonymous | 01-21-04 9:51am ...and to think that people here scream at me when I complain about my 82's....UTS'ers. ;) Good job though...and come online more often!
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