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| chuckitatthewall (profile) wrote, on 1-12-2004 at 11:24pm | |
| Current mood: depressed Music: enya |
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| right now i'm in 8th grade. we've been learning about geometry since 5th grade. wouldnt u think that by now everyone would know how to find the area of a figure???? well apparently some people dont! how they dont know by now is a miracle. i mean is it really that hard? i've had 2 people ask me tonight how to find it. i dont even have an A or B (maybe a B- but probly not) in math and i know! i complain way to much. sorry. so now i would just like to share some cheery news. the creepy molester guy from across the street is moving and is almost out. so i'm happy about that. also the weather person said its gonna rain tomorrow. however they have been saying that for the past week so i'm not sure it will. the rain is so much better than the sun. i hate the summer. especially in california cause its to hot. i think that oregon would be a better place to live cause it rains more. but england would be the best place to live. (excuse as i switch subjects and go on to other stuff thats not related at all) right now i'm having that really sad feeling that kinda sweeps over u all at once out of no where. i get that a lot but it doesnt ever get easier. i really wish that my aunt and teacher wouldnt have died. it just seems like everyone u want to live dies first and everyone who deserves to die lives. its getting close to a year now after my aunts death but i still feel like i went to her funeral yesterday. when i saw her laying in the casket motionless and completly colored with pasty make up and stuff it didnt look like her. she should have had barely any powder on and lipstick a bit outside the lines. everything was to perfect. i wish i hadnt seen her like that. i wish i hadnt seen her in the hospital . thinking of all the pain and suffering she went through makes me feel awfull that i'm okay and i've never had to go through that. old people dont deserve so much pain that the strongest medicine will only take the edge off it. i think that i can now understand why people who r that gravely ill would want to end their lives. yet at the same time i would think they would want to hold on as long as possible. sometimes i go to school and try to act happy and cheerfull but on the inside i know its just an act to try to help me forget about my problems. i know that some people who go to school with me probably dont believe me but it is honestly what i do. i need to go. |
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LoupGarou | 01-13-04 12:38am Sometimes I cover it up too. I cover up what I really feel and don't let people see it because I'm afraid. I don't want them to see me sad and messed up. I don't want to let them see me cry. To everyone I am happy and cheerful, and truthfully I usually am. But every once in a while sadness weighs down on me. That empty feeling comes and I feel lost and helpless. Sometimes it's like the only way to escape the pain of the past is to fall asleep and drift in to a world that is not your own. When you wake up you don't want to be there. You want to stay in that place because it gets you away. Of course inside you know you can't, so what can you do but live with the pain? |