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| chuckitatthewall (profile) wrote, on 1-14-2004 at 9:43pm | |
| Music: enya and other sad music Subject: gay ass people |
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| there is a kid corey and his locker is right above mine in the locker room. everyday i'm nice to him and when hes at his locker first i let him get his shit out before i go and get my stuff out. whenever i'm at my locker he comes over and pushes me out of the way very suddely (sp) but i do notice since hes done it practically every time i get there first. will it honestly kill him to wait two minutes for me to finish???? so i've decided everytime he does it i'm just going to drop a book on his head "accidentally". if he does it a second time i'll drop two books on his head and so on untill he decides its not worth it to push me out of the way anymore. i think that i forgive to easily and thats my problem. once again i'm gonna bring up sarah. ok she pisses me off really really bad. yet when she talks to me and she is nice i try to give her a second chance in hopes that maybe she will have changed. the truth is that sarah will never change. shes always gonna be a spoiled brat who doesnt care about grades or anything else except for guys. dude she is the most spoiled person i've ever met in my life. i mean she asks for something and almost always she gets it. her sister sets a really bad example and her parents r too easy on her. in ten years if i saw her i bet she'd be working at some really bad job and have 3 kids at home one of who would be like 8 or 9 years old. i worry about her. i've probly said all this a thousand times but it just makes me so unbelievably mad. i know this sounds bad but i'm gonna keep on good terms with her cause i wanna play softball but not by myself so i dont want everyone to hate me who i'll be playing with. i feel like my journal entrys are just a place where i complain so much and nothing is very interesting cause i write about the same stuff so much. so i'll try to write about positve things a bit more but nothing in my life is really that positive right now. some good news is that it was cloudy today and drizzled a little but nothing substantial like i had hoped for. some other good news is on saturday i'm going to san francisco which i love. only problem is that its not gonna be rainy. san francisco i think is prettiest when its rainy. the golden gate bridge is surrounded by clouds and theres only one or two boats on the bay which are usually coast guard or the fairies. and then u can be on market street and look down the hill and then theres a cable car going up. the funny thing is lumbard is a famous streeet for having so many turns it but i didnt think it was all that great when i went on it the first time. i'm probly boring u to death with all my babbling about san francisco. i think everyone should have a city or spot that they absolutely love and feel perfect at. i guess san francisco is that place for me. even when it is in summer and sunny its a different feeling but a good one. back to bitterness. i was thinking about how sarah and stephanie always call eachother "chicken" and "toot" and then i thought that someday they r gonna realize how stupid they sound and be so embarrassed that ever did that. serves them right they act like such dumbasses its truly disgusting. i've thought this through since writing how i was gonna keep on good terms with her cause of soft ball. is soft ball really worth being nice and putting up with all the shit that an idiot like her has? whoever leaves a comment (not like anyone expcept jessica does ~sniffs~ my feelings r hurt) please tell me if its worth it cause i really dont know and right now i'm leaning toward the "its not worth it" side. is it hard to identify shapes? i dont think its that hard. mabye thats just me. i mean it was at first but when u've u been learning it for 3 years its pretty hard to forget. right now this enya is making me cry cause whenever i listen to it i think of my aunt marie and my teacher, mister vane who died. i really miss them. at my aunts funeral my sister started crying as she was doing one of the readings and it was so sad. just remembering all the stories she had stored in her brain makes me so sad cause i never got to listen to a lot of them. just before we found out she had cancer i started to get interested in her stories and then 6 or 7 months later she was gone taking with her so much of history. i think that what makes it a bit harder is that she died 10 days before my birthday and then mr. vane died exactly 1 month after my birthday. when i was at my aunts funeral my daddy (go ahead make fun of me for putting that i really dont care) took me out side and i started to cry really hard and that was one of those really good times that a dad is there for u. then when i came home from mr. vanes funeral i ran up to my room and started crying really hard into my pillow. that was one of the worst feelings i've ever had in my life. i know it sounds like i'm feeling sorry for myself but perhaps by writing about it i'll be able to move on a bit. i mean i want to remember everything and how much i love both of them and what made them special to me but crying all the time is just not fun after a while. i good cry that kinda lets out all ur emotions is important every now and then but not like this. a good cry isnt supposed to be almost everyday and they r'nt supposed to make u feel worse. its seems like lately i'm either really angry or really sad. even when i'm laughing and in a good mood i never feel quite like i used to before everything happened. i dont like it how some people say "well its a new year. u've got to try to forget about last year and start fresh." dont they know its not that easy i mean if it was then no one would feel sad for very long because it would all go away the 1st of the year. i think i'm gonna go up to my room for a while and think then go to bed a bit earlier than i have been lately. |
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LoupGarou | 01-15-04 8:53pm I think that if Sarah really bothers you that much you should do something about it. I mean, I know it's hard to do, because I experience the same thing sometimes with Stephanie. Stephanie used to be one of my best friends and then we grew apart. She really bothers me now, but it's hard for me to act mean to her because I still remember how we used to get along so well. I guess people just change - some for the better and some for the worse. And I guess that it will get easier to dislike people over time. Well, anyway, whatever you feel most comfortable doing. I just think that if you know you're going to regret it later, try not to do it, because, damn does regret suck. |