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| stefoffanie (profile) wrote, on 1-30-2004 at 11:28pm | |
| Current mood: ........changed Music: Dashboard Subject: what just happened>>>? |
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| ok i just got back fromt he movies, what a day, the movies were bad again liek ALWAYS, well i guess only a little nit was bad. Ok so ashlie rode my bue home after school and she came over it was really fun we take about like everything, and listened to music and she met my little brother and she is like in love with him,hehe its funy, omg ashlie is soo cool, i hope that me anda ashlie are gonna be really good freinds, i need a good girlfriend right now!!!!! anyway well we went there and haun out, me ashlie, andrew and zack and teddy. We hung out for a while then we went and saw the Butterfly effect,omg that movie was like life changing, like seriously, some ppl say that people or books or the bible or god for example has changed peoples lifes, well i think that movies changed me, ok first of all eveyone has to see it, it has a really good message an di loved it, it really made me think of my life, and i think that it related to my life alot ( now if you auctually see the movie and see the things that happened to the kid, well that is not what im talkin about, those things did not in any way happen to me, its symbolism, ok get it?). Its about cause and effect, "the Butterfly effect", after i was done watching that movies, i like cried and my whole world, my hole life made sence to me for a little while, it made me see how fucked up this worldis and all the bullshit that happenes in this world because of "temporary highs" andbullies and peer pressure and liars and all the fucked up shit. I hate this world right now and i feel like im alone, but hten tonite ashlie and zack showed me, frokm talkin to them that i ahve someone,. Its hard for me to see everyone, memories of my past haunt me when im around all those people, i have to block them out, i have to move on, get away from everything, i see people who i once thought were my friends and endend up being a "tempory high" thats how i see it, there only nice to me when they want somthin, a bunch of losers,i have reciently started hangin out with them again, i think i might stop that, its not really them now its me, i cant deal with being around them they re to many ties to many memories, it hurts inside to remember the past, for a while i just wanted to move away from all this, from everything, sometimes i feel so alone in this world, then i hear my little brother call my name annd want to play with me, or i get advise from a good friend, or theyre there to let me cry on there shoulder (like tonite, thanks ashlie, and zack!!!! i luv you guys!!) then when i was walkin around saw this kid makin out with his girlfriend and thay have been goin out for over a year and he is cheating on her and i think she has like no idea, but everyone elese knows, its disgusting, some people absolutly make me sick , i remember when i found out that eric had cheated on me, i felt so empty inside like my life was ripped away from me and stomped into little pieces on the ground. EVERYHTING, IN THE PRESENT DAYS BEFORE were lies they were fake and dumb, it was all a lie and it was false, meanwhile i was dieing inside, alone, it was like everything I ever thought about him was false, it was just a dream almost not real feeling, like i should just wake up one day and have a hole different life, A different way of living, somthing new, maybe i didnt know exactly what was goin on, but it was better there, things werent so fucked up, there wasnt so much hate and everyone wasn't so scared all the time, people try to hide it but everyone is scared, scared of what people are gonna think of them , who to trust, what there gonna do when there left alone and they are cold and lonly, i hate that feeling, i know though that everyone has these problems and im not different, im only human, i wanna change it tho, i want to make things perfect, i want everything to be rigth for eveyone, just like in the movie, but theres always a complication, nothing will turn out perfect, there is always a imperfection, you cant play god, i wish though tta i could just freeze time and make it right tho, if i could i would cjhange so much i would change these past two years, and it would be ok, ,,,maybe not??? I saw an old friend tonight, it was hard, me and her never talk anymore, we used to be like two peas in a pod. i kinda abandoned her in 7th grade when i met "the group" we were so close though and i hate that we arent friends anymore, i hate iT!!!!! i try to talk to her, but nothing comes out, im on mute, we have nothing to say to eachother and its disapointing~>> All i know is that tonight was like a slap in the face of what reality is, you never know what you have until , it is gone or wiped out of someones memory and it is changed, things will never be diferent again, i cant run to my daddy for much longer to make things better, it makes me really sda in some ways that i have to grow up and move on, i wish it was easier!! Im gonna do it, things are gonna change, all i ever wanted all along i have to give up , i have to give up some people that mean soo much to me, but in the end ,...maybe it will take years for it to be better, maybe not, but in the end it will be for the better. I thought that me and eric were friends, but tonite he proved to me that im just another piece of ass to him, i used to be important to him, all he wants now is booty, well he can get that from stacy, tahst all he wantes her for, its sad, cause she likes him, (Or so i have heard, i dont no it might not be true) and he dosent care, he is a user and has no feelings, i get sicked when i think about what he did to me tonite, it was probaly the rudest thing that he has ever done to me and i dont no if im gonna be able to talk to him again...i dunno..ehh...this is sooo tough, but its gonna be ok, im gonna cange it and make things as perfect as they can be!!! And if your gonna be rude and have somthing to say mean about this then keep it to yourself, casue i might have sounded a little weird in this entry, buti dont care, people need to know how i feel!!! bye~~~~~~~stef I love u guys!!!!! |
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ashliesaid | 01-31-04 12:16am Yayy Stef. I'm happy that you're gonna start all over and whipe out all the mean people in your life, cuz you dont need them. They're all losers like you said, and you dont need all that shit they do to you. You're a really awesome girl and you deserve better. If you need anything you know I'm here for you cuz I love u :) Im really glad that I have a friend like you now!!
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stefoffanie | Re:, 01-31-04 12:19am yay!! im happy now!! i guees tonite was ok i had alot of icecream, it was good tho, haha, weel hopefully were gonna do somthin tomorrow!! k tyl
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zackafro | 01-31-04 12:20am let it out sista! |
Alptraum | its Carolyn, 02-01-04 11:34am hey stef. its Carolyn. we need to chill sometime. ^_^ |