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| TaoMan1121 (profile) wrote, on 2-1-2004 at 5:58pm | |
| Current mood: bien Music: Santa Esmeralda - Don't Let Me Be Understood Subject: A Tale of Two Days |
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| Just goes to show you, you win some and you lose some. Yesterday was a bad day, with all the same ol' issues that had been bothering me last month. Today, after a night of long, restful sleep and no alcohol, I found myself in a much better mood by the time I arrived at work early this morning. I made the best decision for myself last night, and I continued those good choices throughout today. As reinforcing as my dumb decisions are, I'm beginning to find that the smarter ones are just as rewarding, they are just a hell of a lot harder to make. Work was good, the best it's been, in terms of my attitude, in a long time. Had some good conversations with Elena, the customers were decent, and had some fun with a "page-war" with Stef and Shannon. I kinda suck, but hey, I'm the only person in my department who's willing to do 'em, so whatever. In fact the only thing that really sucked today was the music; it was much better yesterday... oh well. I just hope that I am able to get my hours back on track; they've kind of been pissing me off lately by repeatedly calling and telling me I don't have to come in. Yeah, I know it's not their fault, and I've enjoyed the time off, but I'm going to be kicking myself in a couple weeks over it. I'm really glad January is over. I'm not saying it was the worst month ever, but it was certainly the longest. I've come out of it growing a great deal, learning a ton of stuff the hard way, and I've got a pretty firm grasp on what I want from here on. I feel good, but I know that I'm still not that far away from everything, and that if I don't maintain my focus, I could easily get pulled down by everything again. Random appropriate music interspliced with journal entry: I'm free but I'm focused I'm green but I'm wise I'm hard but I'm friendly baby I'm sad but I'm laughing I'm brave but I'm chicken shit I'm sick but I'm pretty baby What it all boils down to Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet I've got one hand in my pocket And the other one is playing the piano - Alanis Morrissette, "Hand In My Pocket" I'm doing my darnest to have as few qualms about who I am as a person. "Take me or leave me as you please" is my new philosophy. There are still shortcomings about myself that I would like to reconcile with, but I want to work on said things for myself, to allow me to be more comfortable with myself. I will no longer allow a quest to fix every character flaw to swallow me; it's stupid, and unnecessary, and it would take any a lot of things that make me... me. (Holy pronouns Batman!) The only way that I'm truly going to be content with who I am as a person is to accept the whole of my personality, to intergrate, not seperate, what I've considered to be my "good side" and my "bad side." Super Bowl time. |
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jhight1314 | 02-02-04 12:02am I so want to go clubbing with you sometime. Can you be a good wingman? You know, the type that doesn't tell the girl that I'm not really the heir to the Grey Poupon fortune or that I actually DO have the clap. |
TaoMan1121 | Re:, 02-02-04 2:21pm I'm game. |
goldberry | picking nits here..., 02-02-04 12:48am
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