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| FreakishIYK (profile) wrote, on 2-5-2004 at 10:32pm | |
| Current mood: crappy |
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| Lucky you, I actually got around to writing a new entry. Well today I did not want to get out of bed, but I did anyway....I wanted to skip so I wouldn't have to stay, but couldn't get a ride. Oh well, it's Thursday...just one more day and it's the weekend. I don't know what's with me today...I just feel...kinda empty. (bare with me, I'm not very open so I'm sure I'll have problems describing how I feel) I don't know..maybe it's AJ. What am I doing? sometime I don't think I should be with anyone, I'm not exactly stable. Plus, I think he still cares for his ex Ginger. When I'm with him we sometimes hang out with him friends ( I don't really have any, so...) I hate people so you can imagine how akward it is or me most of the time. I try though, I try not to be quiet or things like that but I can't help but be quiet. I've never been a talkative person, I think it's because I've never really liked people, they don't like me. Even in elementary school I think I've been quiet. No one ever really reached out to me to be any other way. Makes me think not a lot of people care...maybe they don't. Sometimes I think about how people might react if something were to happen to me. Would they care then? I finished this entry and while back, but I found myself coming back. I'm sitting here at the computer wanting to talk to someone (I'm so lonely) and I thought I wanted AJ to come online...and he did, but I didn't im him...I want Billy to come online. I want to talk to Billy. I was going to write him an e-mail, and I started to....but I had to stop, I couldn't send it...I'm afraid of what I might say. I miss him so much...He was one of the few people who really ever cared for me, he loved me dammit, and I threw it away. I fucking threw it away! What the hell is wrong with me? What am I going to do? I don't deserve anyone....I screw it up anyway. |
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malicsadat | 02-07-04 1:53pm hey mandy, your realy nice. you defenatly deserve to be with some one. no question. it dosen't mater if your "stable" or not. if you found the right person, they can help balence you out. i'm not exactly what you would call stable eather, but with the right person, i'm usualy ok. hey i'll be your friend. k? and i'll try to be a real good one at that. for the most part, i'm not exactly a people person eather. (exept for this awsom youth group i go to...thats another thing altogether though.) hey not true, i like you...but then again, i'm realy not what you would call a person. i think of myself more as an animal. but when i was in elimentry school...i still remember my frist friend there at school. it was a spyder in my science teachers class room. that was fourth grade. back then all my friends were animals. exept you. you were one of the few people who exepted me at the church. you were always good to me. prehaps not alot of people care...but i do. i remember when no one cared for me. i'll tell you that story some other time, but to make it short, someone reached out to me. now there are quite a few people who care. i hope i can do the some for you. why do i care? cuz you are kool, and at one piont you some what cared about me, and that made you vary specil to me. do you remember when we used to e-mail eachother all the time? i do. no one else ever talked to me that much (exept this one paret i had...but it didn't realy make much since so...) hay there is nothing wrong with you. if you ever realy need to talk to someone, you can call me. ok? belive me, i know what it's like to suffer becouse of love. you deserve only the best hun. take care of your self for me, ok? -xoxo-
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