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DarkSwordDancer (profile) wrote,
on 2-23-2004 at 7:35pm
Eh lonliness void.......my parents arnt helping either..ive been crying for the past hour and a half and havent stopped......why you ask?Ashley is moving in april..just like dara......niki is also gone....so im kinda sol for soul confidants for awhile....and i cant stop crying...and everything feels like it is falling apart..like im being torn away from all the people i was actually really close to......right now i just want to disappear for a while....just go poof and float in black nothingness till the feeling is gone.....and here comes the extream depression that will linger for a long time.......mikki...dara...niki ...and now ashley......what have i done that is making things turn out this way?What happened along the lines of planning our graduations together? our lives? why does this have to happen now...today..this year....this decade? im not really ready to fly solo....but its not like i have a say or anything but why?......i cant do this.....and it scares me...there has never been anything i couldnt do on my own but this ....this is something i cant do.......damnit im ranting again.......

I feel like i cant control anything anymore......dara left ad i had a hard time with that....then mikki died.....eh still not completly over that....Niki is in helena....cant reach her......and Ashley is now going to move..all the way down to pencecola ,florida.......all the way into the deep south......and she prolly wont be comming back for a year or so..then she will come to visit but thats it....and she will leave again....ive grown up with her, dara and niki.....i knew her BEFORE the first day of first grade....then i met dara in 2nd grade..and niki in 4th........hell the only person i will have as a friend still from elementary school is nick roxy and scylar...roxy ,schylar and i only became really good friends in 8th grade...nick is the only friend i still have from like way back when.......next thing you know he will move away to...

Im still crying and its 5:42 pm.......but im not balling...they are just silent tears rolling down my face then dripping off my chin to my shirt......

I feel like im not here..or maybe i just wish i wasnt here....right now im looking out the front door window..the sunset has turned everything an autumy color....and everything seems calm...its nice...to be able to see something calm.......
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silversoldier

"Sweet Things" - BallyRag, 02-24-04 12:41am

I fell into tomorrow today and got to thinking
Of ways that I could make my escape
I'm caught in the American Dream and I was thinking
That perhaps it maybe time I should wake
And every now and then I get the feeling like I'm
Reeling myself in and buying my own lie
From the moment that you're born you try and
Understand and when you understand
That you can't understand you die

And here is candy for my eyes and here is candy for my ears
And here are sweet things for everyone and for everything
And I will lie here in the sun and I will smile at everyone
And I don't care what today will hold or tomorrow brings
Because you came alone and you'll leave by yourself
On the road you will walk
You will meet no one else except ou
And the blue and the black at your side and your back

I fell into your graces today and got to thinking
Of ways that I could get you to stay
It's all due to my low self esteem and the feeling
That you're better than me in so many ways
And everytime I look at you I feel like I'm losing control
Like I'm losing my mind
If I look with any clarity I know what lies in front of me are things that I will one day leave behind

You are candy for my eyes and you are candy for my ears
And you are sweet things for everyone and for everything
And I will lie here in the sun and I will smile at everyone
And I don't care what tomorrow holds or today will bring

Because I came alone and I'll leave by myself
On the road I will walk I will meet no one else
Even you and those sweet things you do
Will meen nothing
Soon

When you came here today
You came here to stay
And the things that you brought
You can't take them away again

I came alone and I'll leave by myself
On the road I will walk
I will meet no one else
Even you and those sweet things you do
Will mean nothing
Soon.

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DarkSwordDancer

Re:, 02-24-04 8:31pm

Did you write that?.......its amazing...nicko stay out of my heart and mind!!!!!!...........for some reason it makes me want to just cry cause i can.....but it also makes stuff alittle easier.......thanks...

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silversoldier

Re: Re:, 02-24-04 11:43pm

no problem at all... and no, I did not write that (I'm not that good), but I thought it would give some sentiments.

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