| Add Memory | Add To Friends | |
| spinoangel (profile) wrote, on 2-26-2004 at 9:47pm | |
| Current mood: depressively angry Music: josh groban and charlotte church - "the prayer" Subject: i pray you'll be alright. lots and lots of rants |
|
| woohu just gave me massive amounts of pop-ups that made me want to kill myself. amongst other things. i do not know what has caused this wave of suicidal anger. me being angry is just pissing me off even more. why do i feel like crying right now? i feel so fucking stupid. like i have everything. i have everything i want. everything. there's nothing missing in my life, there seems to be nothing wrong. i cannot pinpoint what the fuck is wrong with my personality. it's like i HAVE to get to these periods when nothing is good enough for me, not even myself. i have a beautiful, loving family. i have beautiful, loving friends. and i have someone who loves me like no one else. a couple of people do. i have straight A's. i am damn sexy. i am a saviour. i am brighter than the sun. i am perfect. why can't i tell myself that? i feel so dependent and independent all at the same time. like dependent in the way that i can't be happy without certain people. and independent in the way that i push people away when i dont want to talk. i just want to lie in bed and do nothing. can i do that? no. i really wonder. i hate mr. epstein. really. like thanks buddy for confusing the shit out of me about everything. i have a freaking test tomorrow when i dont know one thing more than what i did before. wtf is that? seriously. i am here to learn, so teach me. just because i have PIB stamped on my head does not mean that i will memorize everything you say nor understand everything you explain. i have no previous experience in government. what makes you think that this comes so easily? pretty much never gotten an A on a test, but you expect me to retain all the pointless information that i couldnt understand in the first place? there is no reason to smile. the AP test is scaring the hell out of me. and it's just wrong to have him as a teacher. alright, let's skip half the chapter and have your test tomorrow to get you prepared for your AP test that's coming up. yeah right asshole. like wtf. i feel like doing the following things: 1. running away 2. going to the beach 3. walking in the breeze 4. watch the sun rise 5. sleep all... sleep all day 6. attacking someone 7. hurting myself 8. banging my head against a wall 9. alleviate stress through art (not in school) 10. be completely happy 11. not feel sorry for my sorry self 12. follow a dream i. have. everything. why is it not everything, though? ya know willie wonka and the chocolate factory? at the end, in the wonka-vator? willie wonka: "oh and charlie. don't forget what happened to the man that suddenly got everything he wanted.... he lived happily ever after." yeah right. in wonka land. thatd be a nice vacation. where nothing makes sense and the only point is to eat candy. i refuse to be satisfied. i refuse to pretend like i'm normal. i refuse to do things unless i feel like doing them. i just failed my govt self test. i have no idea what i am doing. =*( and i cant take it. |
|
| Post A Comment |
|
angeleyes | 02-27-04 5:48pm <3. |
kickass1157 | 02-27-04 6:33pm ... you're writing in this journal. very good thing. crying makes you feel better - and so should writing on woohu. sometimes we only want to see the bad things that happen, but those are the times that we forget about the good things that we have -- friends, family, clothes, roof on our head, music to listen to, ... etc. and maybe open your brown eyes and see that we LOVE you and we care about you. be satisfied with what you've achieved. from what i can tell from this one entry - excluding the times we've talked, you are a WONDERFUL - nay PHENOMINAL person. okay. i may not be the best at spelling, but you must agree that it's friday and ... yeah. if you ever need me, i'm just a phone call away. that and i'd hijack a car just to see you ;D hehe. okay. |
sameen | 02-27-04 7:07pm i concur.
|
Jacks | 02-27-04 9:18pm I know what you are going through and you are a wonderful person, and just remember that no matter what happens or what you need to talk about you can always come to me!! Love Yah!! |