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| m&ms487 (profile) wrote, on 3-5-2004 at 8:02pm | |
| Current mood: curious |
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| This post is from almost two years ago, at the beginning of my freshman year. I was looking through all my old journal entries to try to see just when things started to change for me. I realize now, that they never did change, there was just a brief interruption (meaning a whole year) where i was lost. But I'm getting back to where I was, and this is where I was. This was a paper I had to write for class, and when i read it, my heart just about broke, because I remember the girl I use to be, and sometimes it scares me to see how much I have changed. WHO AM I? Finding out who you are is an intricate part of everyone's life. Why am I here? What is my purpose? Who am I? All questions everyone spends years in meditation for and only few have found the answers, or have they? I believe at anyone one time you can be whoever you want to be. You are shaped by the events, which unfold, in your life and you shape the events, which unfold, in your life. These events shape and continue to shape a person throughout their life. At anyone time I am somebody different. When I'm around my peers, I'm witty and smart-mouthed. When I'm around adults I am intelligent and a shameless show off. When I'm by myself, I am myself. Nobody knows me, not even me. I can usually combat that by keeping busy, being around my peers, and I am usually whoever they want me to be. If they don't like me, I may change into somebody they like. Mentally, this is unhealthy, I know, but sooner or later I will find an identity I like, or at least make one of many people. Being sure of yourself is just a mental game, you need no sense of who you are, just who the people asking who you are want you to be. If you satisfy their desire, they will be happy. Too many people in this world are unhappy; it's nice to know that people will accept you if you act the right way. If I look too deep into who I am, I just find more questions. I find myself in memories looking in from the outside. I find myself in situations and pretend to be something that I'm not to impress people, or to find a way out. I am pessimistic, I am ignorant, I am naïve, but I know more than you will ever know about any one subject, of which you want to talk about, only because once I see you at work, I can become you. I can act like you. I can be the best actress in the world, and you won't know that I'm acting. It sounds scary, and sometimes it is, but it sure makes life interesting. Everyone is always saying, "Be yourself, be an individual", and I believe it to a certain point, yet adapting is human nature, and you can't adapt to anything that you don't know what it is. I don't know what I am. I am everything, I am nothing, and so to say who am I? I must ask you first, who are you? |
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Jacqui-Chan | 03-08-04 5:11pm well put. and deeply true. rock on |
| m&ms487 | Re:, 03-08-04 7:28pm Thank you. :) |