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| melikepeas (profile) wrote, on 3-7-2004 at 3:11pm | |
| Current mood: blah Music: blik - what went wrong Subject: White chocolate oranges. |
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| Well at least I've not cried today, woot pies for me. Still finding it difficult to be cheerful though. Its so wierd, being sad isn't me, crying deffinately isn't me. Stupid. Spent the whole day in bed practicaly, then watched charmed lots and now im here, I really need to find better stuff to do with my sundays. Fucking bitch of a head ache though, tis okay now im drugged up though. I was just on the phone to Damian. He wants a answer before he gets evicted (hes probs gonna end up in eston which is fucking shit), which is fair enough. I still dont know though, still feel a bit rushed but thats proberbly me just being a cock face. I love him so much, more than he knows, more than he proberbly will every know even if we do end up together. But some stuff from when we were together still hurts (hurts less granted but still hurts) and I gues I'm still shit scared of getting fucked over. I still dont know if I can handle it. The possibility of him being in eston really doesnt help either. I s'pose theres still the issue of 'meh he'll only want me/need me till he gets sorted out'. So im scared of just being used again. But I love him and he makes me happy and he makes me laugh and he makes me feel so safe. I really dont want to sacrifice the highs to be spared the lows. But last time the lows really were lows, hurt too. nyargh. Anyway enough about that, makes me all sad n stuff trying to decide. Friday. Humm. Well some fucking creep isnt going to have kids anytime soon/if ever. But I wont write about that, because I'm not going to let myself think about that. Much easyer. My fault anyway. Me and martig made up ^_^ wee. Im so relieved. He was out on friday (he fell off his board and had a concusion heh so he couldnt go to work). He walked past in the acklam and stuck his tongue out just like normal and i was all YEY ^_^ and called me over and gave me a biiiig hug adn said im sorry for that txt, i was just a bit pissed off and then i appologised for being an incosiderate bitch/tart on wheels. and then everything was ok. He bought me a tripple jd and cock in the arena too and fed me ciggs ^_^ such a sweetie. Gah but at the end of the night i saw him outside and we stood and just hugged for aagggeess (i didnt mean it to be anything, twas just I was extremely scared/upset/pissed off and needed some one, its ok I think he knew it didnt mean anything) yeah but anyway when i had to go to frogs he looked at me and said 'i really miss you'. GAH. So yeah i feel shit about that, hes such a sweeite, complete heart of gold but i dont see him as more than a friend. Im such a shit face. Frog surprised me he asked me whats wrong (heh wouldnt take nothing for an answer apparently), i though i was doing the 'im all happy ^_^ wee' thing but obviously thats a bit shit, surprised me that did. Oh well frogs a legand. *thumbs up for frog* Gah lucy, im worried about this garrath character, he sounded so perfect, kinda too perfect. He rang her in the arena insisting she went to his an fucked him (she said no go lucy) now I know I dont know him as well as she does but ... gah he makes her sooo happy. Shes a bit upset at the reputation shes getting at Damians. Bless her she still fancies the arse off frog. She was very good on friday I went to her when I was nyargh and she made me feel moderately protected well her and sarah really. 10 stars for both. Mike, I was speaking to him yesterday, I dont know what to do about him. I can feel myself getting more and more attatched to him. Im thinking I might have to just end it, I cant get close to some one and then have them go away. Stupid him moving. Mams getting to me, more than usualy. Shes on a 'lets tell sally shes a bitch/slut/how fucking fat/unpretty she is and ooof lets turn ellen against her too' thing. Love you too mam. Im thinking of getting a side fringe put in, gonna go upstairs now and play about with my hair and decide. heh. Another long entry, sorry to anyone daft enough to read this thing. |
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derrangeddemon666 | 03-08-04 10:08am 'I can feel myself getting more and more attatched to him'
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