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| mle (profile) wrote, on 3-14-2004 at 10:41pm | |
| Current mood: . none . Music: . yellowcard . way away . Subject: |
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had a little weekend getaway up to cheboygan/onaway. visited the g.grandma w/ the parents and marcus. she turned 100 last week. 100 years old, holy shit. and she hasn't left her bed since her stroke... 2.5 years of lying around with very limited sight and hearing... poor woman. she used to look alright. she was always so proper - the typical little old lady. i remember when she lived down in charlotte, mi in her own apartment and everything. now all she does is eat baby food and call out for her mother/sister/God to come take her home. literally.. she asked how i was, but other than that, the only understandable words out of her mouth were "momma... take me home." so sad. i mean, what do you say to that? and my g.aunt lee and g.uncle bob who watch her are just saints. absolute saints. i never want to get old. it's been a while since i wrote in this thing.. i actually have typed stuff in here a few times since that last post, but my computer always does something funky and restarts in the middle. i can't wait until i get my mac laptop this summer... ahh, wonderfulness of no viruses or other pc-related poopiness. but yea.. shit has been hitting the fan with yearbook and student government and danielle's lack of attendance at both. its one of those issues that i know i need to just bitch about all that anger... but i cant get myself to. therefore, i hold in all that hate. and its a lot. but lately ive been doing that.. shutting my mouth. i decided that marcus shouldn't listen to my whine/bitch sessions. but then there's that silence because all i can think about are the things i need to scream over, and he doesn't say anything anyways. sometimes i don't know about that kid. we broke up for a day or some ridiculously short period of time a week or 2 ago. he literally came apart at the seems when i brought it up. but idk. maybe im too much of a confused feminist to have a boyfriend. me and my controlling ways try to manipulate everything and everyone. and i get pissed with his slacker ways. its one of those "god, why can't you be more like me?" situations. we're such different people, with different goals and different backgrounds. our families are night and day. i don't think we'll last through next year, regardless of whether or not he transfers to msu. i think next year im going to start talking to jason again and get back into that crowd... as opposed to the lack of crowd in my life right now. so.. this went nowhere and its going downhill fast. i think its time to go load up on more meds and inhalers so i can pass out in bed for a few hours. goodnight. |
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spud | 03-14-04 11:23pm sad.
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