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| sendmemoney (profile) wrote, on 4-18-2002 at 1:59pm | |
| Current mood: listless Music: brand new - the shower scene Subject: (...there is nothing better than being shot down repeatedly for six hours straight...) |
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| *~i am breaking down. i can't handle it. i do not know where to look to avoid crying, or at least to not let anybody see me cry. all the images from the past few hours spinning in my head and i can't believe what i saw, can't stand reliving it, and can't escape it. is it even that bad ? things always seem so insignificant until i stand in a corner of a room, trying to blend in so nobody realizes that i am all alone like always, and then they just blow up and occupy my entire being, leaving me empty and on the verge of tears. seeing everybody laughing and having the time of their life just onsets it. not that the music does much to stop it. the memories i have related to one song after the next, some with people who have no idea that the song, to me, is about them, come rushing out in a flood of tears. thoughts colliding leave me no option but to hide in a corner until this is all over. i have no idea how to react to any of this. how can i tell you that just looking at you is painful ? even the back of your head is enough to make me break down. all i can do is avoid you until this all passes. on some aspects, i wish this night would last forever, but most of my time is spent contemplating how long it would take me to get home if i started walking now. and then wondering if anybody would notice. but i stick it out. grin and bear it. in the end, that seems to be my favorite way to pass the time. why do i put myself into situations where i know i am not wanted and will just go home and write about later ? nothing makes sense to me anymore. especially not this night.~* | |
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sleepitoff | 04-18-02 6:27pm i love it. baby if there is anything i can do to help, just ask.
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