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| chuckitatthewall (profile) wrote, on 3-31-2004 at 11:02pm | |
| HI! Lets begin with Monday. (it smells really good in my house right now) p.e. need i say more? it was so fuckin hot out there. we had to run 5 laps aroudn the fuckin field then play incrediball. Lynn got so dehydrated that she couldn't see and everything looked weird. She ran into the fence at one point too. Shes okay though. I went to the orthodontist after that. ORANGE IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN YELLOW! (jennifer would understand that). My teeth still hurt. The guy pushes so fuckin hard on them with his little metal plier things. Tuesday sucked. We went to a jazz competition for kids. We saw this one group of kids perform and they were really good. I saw an Asian guy that I thought was hot. First one for me. Well, he wasn't necessarily hot but he wasn't ugly. English guys are still much better. Sorry Jimsta..not like he'll read this anyway cause of his dumbfuck brother. After we came back from the Jazz thing we had to watch the movie version of Anne Frank. I really liked reading her diary but the movie is soo bad. The girl didnt even look like her and she doesn't know how to say "Peter" its more like "Pater". ARG! Also the girl barely looks like her. Her lips are too full and her cheek bones are screwed up. Her nose is pointy. Anne's nose was not. Also I think for some reason that she didn't act that well. I know that Jessica could have done better had she been alive in 1956. After that I came home and ate my brains out. Not as much as I would have liked cause my stomache started to hurt for some reason before I had eaten to my content. I sound like such a pig. I think I'm growing cause my legs are hurting a lot in that really uncomfortable way that keeps you awake for a lot of the night. I hate growing pains but that is what I use to make myself feel not as bad for eating so much. I'm not all that fat though. I'm around 5'3 and about 120..thats not to bad. My sister is 4'11 1/2 and shes 125. Anyway, back to the day. I didn't study or anything because I got really wrapped up in reading "Little Women". Those who know me, especially my family, would say that it is deffinately a rarity to see me reading for hours on end. I took my shower at 5:00 and climbed into my bed at 5:15. I read curled up very warmly in my bed until about 7:55 when I had to eat dinner. My mom came in to check on me cause she thought I was sick. It didn't hurt that I was only 98 degrees instead of 98.6 so that got me out of doing the chores. She even said that I didn't have to go to school today but I went anyway cause I felt guilty. I wanna miss Monday when we have to run the mile. Today I finally finished that book after reading for another 2 1/2 hours when I got home. I sound like the biggest nerd ever right now. Oh well. I cried so much as I was reading this book. I cried a lot when I read the Diary of Anne Frank but that was as I was reading the Afterward. I was crying throughout this book because Beth died of cancer..i think cancer but I could be wrong. At one point she wrote "a tear fell onto her thin hands" thats probly not it exactly but it was basically that. That reminded me my Aunt Marie when she was in the hospital and I held her hand. It was so skinny and her arm was bruised. Her hand was so thin that I could see every vein and I swear I could see her bone. Maybe it was just my imagination. I feel like writing about my aunt..again. It's hard to believe that I've spent almost a full year without seeing her or hearing her. In a way I have heard in her...in my heart. (I don't care how corny this all sounds to anyone and if you feel like being an ass i would just like to say that when someone you really care about dies see how you fuckin feel and see the things that you write) She died on May 10 at approximately 9:00 AM. I remember that I was out front staring blankly at a snail. When the phone rang my heart sank to the ground. Before my sister came out to tell us I sensed it. She looked at us and her lip was quivering and she said "Aunt Marie died this morning. At times like that being the youngest has its very wonderful advantages. My sisters were hugging me a lot and sort of smothering me. Normally I would have headed straight up to my room to sob into my pillow but for some reason I stayed around my family which was probly very important. I've only seen my dad cry 4 times. When his father died, when we found out Aunt Marie died, her funeral, and when he heard "on egles wings" at church once. Its so sad to see such a large break down into tears like he did. I hugged him when we were in the kitchen and sobbed into his shoulder. I feel like we sort of bonded because he had lost someone so dear to him and even though I didnt know her for even half as long I still felt very conncected. Also Mr. Vane was struggling through his cancer so it made it that much harder. No words will ever be able to describe the large void in my heart created by her passing. I only wish everyone could have known her. I'm sure they would love her just as much as I do if they had. In the book it also says that Beth died peacefully with a final sigh to sort of let the world know she was finished. It is so hard to understand how someone could just give up like that. I'm sure my aunt did it. I just can't understand what it is like. I'm sure if you're in that much pain its easy to let go. I'm afraid that even when I feel like that I will try to hold on too hard. I'm out of time. Good bye. |
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LoupGarou | 04-06-04 10:16am Thanks for saying I wuld do better as an actress. That thing you wrote about your aunt is really sad, and I know what you mean when you say how much it hurts. After Nick died he was on life support and it made it look like he was breathing. I could have sworn, seeing his chest rise and fall like it did, that he was still alive, that I could shake him awake. But it sucks when you can't fool yourself like that. Because he was dead and there was nothing I could do. I was afraid to touch his hand, but I did, and it was stiff and cold; nothing like I remember.
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