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| mizu87 (profile) wrote, on 4-5-2004 at 12:53pm | |
| Music: Rock MusicChoice TV channel |
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| I don't think it feels like Sunda. (refering to the song) Does anyone notice the time of my post? It's school hours and I'm not there, I'm here... at home. I went to bed late because I was chatting with someone very interesting to me. He always ends up making me feel useless somehow though. ... I think... (because he reads this journal) he said he was... concerned for me? Worried? ... but.. I wouldn't think.. that I would matter to him. I wouldn't think he thought of me one bit other then when we were talking on the internet. I always get confused when talking to him. I enjoy it all too much though, like an addiction. Which is bad since I know he could care less if he talked to me or not. That's why... he always says bye to me first... I stay on untill he can't anymore. I always go to Nick, he doesn't come to me. What I mean by that is that I'm always walking towards him and sitting next to him, talking to him first, sure he saves me spots but... he never once approached me on his own will. And Jon well... I just don't know about him. I need to stop spending my money foolishly like my parents. I need to buy food for the house, the family, instead of speading it on DDR... Amanda had no money yesterday so I payed for her plays... I think I spent $11 on DDR? Most likely more. Taxes are supposed to be comming in a week or so... I'm supposed to be getting $200 ... that isn't going to buy me alot of clothes but... it'll buy me more then I already have. Pair of Jeans= $40, Shoes=$50, Shirts= $19 and that's just the beginning. Gothic pants are much more so I'll just have to put those on hold. My Gothic shoes I want are those black and purple ones and last time I checked they was $40 but that was months ago who knows how much they are now. I'll just have to buy $20-$25 Jeans. That is, if I want to streach this money out. There is a softball game today, Highschool, ... it's an away game, meaning we have to go there, and it's the furthest we ever go for a game. I want to ride the bus.. but I dont' want to go... I like bus rides... I guess... that's expected since I like adventure. My dream... yes I do have a dream. It's to become immortal. I don't want to die in 70 or 90 years from now... I want to live ... for many 100 of years. I want to learn all the languages of the universe and be able to read all the forms of writing in the universe. If I could have any 3 wishes. my first wish would to become immortal my second wish would be to be able to understand all the languages in the universe. I wouldn't want to waste my third wish, maybe I would wish I could take my own life whenever I pleased to or maybe wish that I could read all the forms of writing in the world. Probably the smart thing would to wish to be able to have the ablitiy to take your own life whenever, since you would have forever to learn languages. In the meantime of my long life I would have ahead of me I would learn how to write the forms of writings of the universe and learn to play all the instruments I could find. I would master each one. I would walk over ever inch of land on this earth and find a way to move on to the next world. These are my wishes... you guys are the first to hear of these.. but.. I just want one guy in particular to read them... he should be able to guess who he is. I'm not eating right again... I daydream too much. This morning I moved my bird outside with that huge cage because that damned thing wanted out to come to me and wouldn't shut up. Wakeing me up and blah blah blah. Annoying little devil. I was moving the cage outside and.... I saw Bailey... jump over our fence and go up to those same dogs again that they got in a fight with last time. General didn't jump over though. Remember how my parents blamed it on General last time they got out? Saying how good'ol boy Bailey wouldn't of gotten out if General woudln't of gotten out first? And how they said that they got out by crawling under the fence? Well, idiots were wrong. Bailey jumped clear over the fence (140lb dog) and General was relucktant too and I called for him before he could make up his mind. Bailey didn't come when called and dad came out and got him... hit him hard 3 times... and .. that was it.. I was so angry.. Fucking dog is never gonna learn. Animals are like mentally chalenged people. That dog Bailey uses my dad, I can see that. I hate that dog for it. Fucking Bastard... my father loves him and the dog could care less. All it wants is food. But to my surprise and much like before they got to the door dad told me to go get a switch.. to beat the dog with. Are you surprised to hear I had a large grin on my face? I grabbed the hourse whip from inside (remember we had a horse, the end leather was off so it was just a stick with a handle) and he hit that dog in the ass untill it wined... It's about time is all I could say. General was already inside and when dad let Bailey inside he attacked General. Porr G-man (nick name for General, we call him just G too) He is Baileys father and still gets his ass wooped. G had blood comming out from the back of his right ear and his right eye brow. Dad called Bailey a son-of-a-bitch and was cusing at him. Soon after when I was vaccoming the house (since when they fought shortly they made a mess with the asstrays) Dad had Bailey in his chair with him. Stupid. I know dad is getting stressed. I told dad that I hope that Bailey gets out again and attacks a dog or maybe a person so someone might shoot him with a gun for protection. I told him that would solve all his problems. He told me that he didn't raise me that way and if I kept acting the way I was, with haterd towards his animals, that I better be looking for a place to live when I turn 18. Ha, he doesn't like that I am right about his dog. Though I probably turned it evil with my actions toward it, but oh well. I did alot of house work today. I tried going some of my 9 science worksheets but ended up being only able to do 2 and a half before I feel asleep on my floor for 2 hours. My shoulder still hurts from sleeping on the floor. I still have all my math assignments and... why am I on here? I need to get me some pills that keep me up, so I can concentrate. I always said that people were stupid for using those but... if they keep ya'up then.. ... if I can get some at a store that would be great but.. I'm sure it's a drug... and... if it's a 'bad' drug..... I'll probably be able to buy it from Jon.... ... DDR's an addiction. I need to find more work.. I work tomorrow.... I want to work with Jon... I can't help it... I want to see him... I won't allow myself to be foolish. He's nothing but a player and I grabbed his bait right away... how pathedic of me. He's scared of anyone finding out that should be a red flag... I think I'm gonna go eat, since it's around lunch time. I want.. to go to piano practice.. but.. I didn't go to school.. so... it would look fishy if anyone saw me there.... but.. I just.. can't stay away from the piano. I wonder if mother is going to buy one ... like she said. I still dont' know were we would put it. I want it in my room but it won't fit though the door and if it's in the living room or downstairs den... I'll be playing on it 24/7 and it'll annoy them... so... where can we put it? I have a stomach ache.... I always seem to have one. It's because I don't eat, and when I do it's not what I should.. just junk.. snack foods that I consider meals, which aren't. I want to go walking... just walk off into the wilderness.. but... outhere I'm scared. I'm scared to be alone... I know I'm a weak girl physically... if some perverted guy... was to show up.. and I was alone... .. it would be trouble on my part. I love to walk around alone though... .. I haven't walked side by side with anyone in such a long time... I liked it though.. but I've forgotten the feeling.... I've also forgot the feeling of another close to me... I mean.. Like hugging.. like a boyfriend. I dont' .. let my parents hug me.. or kiss me heck no.. maybe a peck on the cheek since.. it makes them feel better but... if they.. hug me for more then a second, I squirm out. I lust for the feeling of a mans body. NOT in a perverted way either!... .. That reminds me of Jon... he said that... since I was so white that maybe if we rubbed our skin together that some of his tan (he's mexican) might rub off onto me. I shouldn't let someone talk to me in such away. What the hell have I been thinking? ... He's in my head.. and now.. when I think of him... I think of the one I talked to last night... the one.. who. ... supposidly worryed about me... The questions never seem to end with me do they? Tika said she could never read me, Amanda agreed. Laura too. No one can read me huh? I was being quite in the arcade... thinking about what to tell Jon and watching another play. Tika came over to me and asked me what was wrong. I put on a smile and said nothing. If I'm not loud and crazy... everyone thinks something is wrong with me. I'm not always loud.. it saddens me that even my parents think that if I'm quite I'm in DEEP thought and that somethings wrong.. argh I hate it. Dont' I just seem to hate everything? ... I had a dream that my parents got a divorce.... ... My chest is aching, I need to eat something. What I want to do is turn some music up loud to were I can heart it pounding against my heart, but my father is sleeping so.. I can't do that... My wishes.. my dream... .. Ja~ |
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mizu87 | 04-05-04 1:57pm ::cough:: the music thing.. about the song Sunda. Heh it's supposed to be Sunday and I had had in the music stop a song called Sunday untill I changed it...
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mizu87 | Re:, 04-05-04 1:58pm ... stop is supposed to be spot....
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Hakumei | ...dots..., 04-06-04 9:20pm ...hmmm, I really should stop posting to journals of people I dont know. That, and the fact that I should also be studying right about now, well ja matte ne ^_^
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mizu87 | 04-06-04 11:07pm ._. now my journal?
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Hakumei | Re:, 04-11-04 10:57pm eh ^-^; sumimasen..ok yeah i prob. spelled that wrong too, but oh well. Oh, and feel free to read my journal if you want.
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mizu87 | 04-12-04 9:12pm so desu... ..
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