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| fallenfaces (profile) wrote, on 4-23-2004 at 8:54pm | |
| Subject: Sad entries of a depressed girl. |
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| If you don't want to hear about love, dissapointments, and the past I suggest you don't read this. How should I start? Hmm.. What about some memories from the past? First topic: Jake. as in my first real relationship, first love, and my first kiss; Jake. The first time we met was odd. I met him around 10pm..I looked like shit. (I usually do, but I mean ultimately un attractive). It had rained so my makeup was fucked, my hair was complete shit, and I was in shitty clothes. Just everything. We talked, but I could tell he didn't like me as more than a comical friend. (I can read guys like a damn book. I know if a guy likes me, hates me, or as just a friend. I just know). Anyway, the second time we met I wasn't looking as shitty, then he started getting interested. I was as well. We talked, we went out. I remember The Bean like it was yesterday. He was my first kiss. I can see it all happening. I was staring into his eyes, I watched him come closer, tilt his head, I closed my eyes and felt his warm lips press against mine. We both stopped, looked at eachother, kinda giggled (because we could both feel our face showing the biggest smiles). I rested my head onto his chest and listend to his racing heart beat. I can't remember how many times the words, "I love you." were said that night. It's funny how it all ended. I thought things were going way too fast. Told him, we broke up. He plunged into depression, went to the doctor for it and had to take pills. We fought. A lot. I cried. Every night. He slowly slipped away. We both still loved, but we were not in love. He eventually got over it. Dated some girls, he currently has a girlfriend. I haven't talked to him in months and he is completely out of my life. Do i miss him? Not really. Did I? Yes. His life got better. Mine stayed the same. Alone. I haven't dated anyone this entire year. As much as I enjoy being single, I miss having someone. I love cuddling, holding hands, and just having someone there for me. Just like any other pathetic teenager. No one understands how right Karl is for me. We are so much alike, no one sees it. I do, more than anything. He's just.. *sigh* and nothing is happening. I can't see myself dating anyone from cedar (Karl's an exception) because all my friends that are guys, I have flirted with, or whatever and if I was to date them it would only fuck shit up. I wouldn't hurt a friend for a guy ever. Everyone says that, the difference with me saying it? I mean it. Another issue..I have no expierence. The most I have done is kissed a guy. Jake. Once. So dating any of my current guy friends would be completely retarded. None of them are virgins. I would feel like an ass. I need someone at the same level.. (Karl). But I don't see that going anywhere. So where do I go from here? No where. I'm still kinda hurt frome everything that has happened in the past few weeks. I'll get over it. I just need time and I need to mature. Too bad I'm a stupid little girl. Huh? Love me.. Stacy. |
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windedhero | :D, 04-23-04 11:09pm *loves you first* |
fadingfallenstar | ..., 04-24-04 10:33am :) |
this-acoustic-love | 04-24-04 2:38am i can relate to that whole entire thing like whoa, and you know that certain boy from detroit that im talking about.
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