| Add Memory | Add To Friends | |
| xxinterrupted (profile) wrote, on 4-24-2004 at 10:14pm | |
| Current mood: sad Music: incubus - stellar |
|
| i'm just sitting here, turned on the radio and incubus is on. what luck i have. ..no i'm not lucky. my life is going to shit. friends, boyfriends, family. 3 important things;; or are they? life has to many complications to it.. all we're supposed to do is live and die. so why do we have to get pregnant and make more mindless conforming people? i'm sitting here in the dark with a bunch of candles lit. just like the last time jim was here.. i guess i really don't understand him anymore. i don't even know what's going on between us. i have to practicly black mail him to get him to stay over here. is it me? i think just being around me makes him sick anymore. ever since a few months ago. i know what the reason is. i know. but he keeps telling me that it's not the reason.. i don't know. all i know is that he can't keep doing the stuff he's doing.. i keep beating myself up over it; i blame myself because i think it's my fault. i probably is my fault anyways. can you be so sad, and so happy at the same time? i guess you can;; because i am. i thought i was over that being sad shit.. but i guess when you make the biggest mistake in your whole life with someone who you thought loved you more than everything in the whole world.. being sad just comes easy. it comes easy.. i just remembered why i hate being in the dark.. my mom took me shopping today.. we went to gadzooks, hot topic, bon ton and dots. i got 2 pair of jeans, 1 pair of capris, and a bunch of shirts.. it made my mom happy that she was buying me things, cause she actually had money to spend.. she's under a lot of stress lately with the bar and everything. i've been working a lot more lately. i like it; gets my out of the house.. away from thinking about things. it's good for me i guess. ..i keep finding myself staring off into the candle on my desk. friday i went shopping with my mom & george for things for the bar and everything. saturday i got up, went to the social hall in bentlyville for the making of the SADD video.. went to work right after that [@ 11] and then at 4:30 my mom and i went shopping. after that around 6:30- we went back to the bar so i could change and get freshened up. we left around 7:30 and my mom & george took me to hannah's birthday party. i got there at 8, stayed till 8:30, went home and now here i am.. without jim. right now i have to go up and say bye to my aunt loraine.. she's leaving for the weekend; going to the amish country.. i haven't even talked to her in at least a week. i've been ignoring my friends, as well as my family. which is a lot more important to me then friends.. i have to start getting my priorities straight. |
|
| Post A Comment |
|
unfeltfeelings | 04-25-04 9:53am God Jena..I know what you mean about the priorities, friends and family thing. I'm in the same position except mine sort of deals totally with the family..nothing to do with friends. I'll tell you about it if you want to hear about it. Anyways, I can tell you're bummed out about Jim and everything, but things will get better, just keep your head up. I'm here for you, to talk and to listen. Love you! -Becky |
drawingxblackxlines | 04-26-04 11:04am Im sorry jena, i am and i try to be there for u.. just only when u want me to be |