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| lifesuxsodanz (profile) wrote, on 4-26-2004 at 7:06pm | |
| Current mood: depressed wtf... |
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| Today was a good day this was a good weekend. What is my problem. Everything is going great but I have this feeling of the world crashing down around me. Its like I don't deserve happiness my mind is a hopeless cynnic that has to twist all good thoughts into negativity. school was easy today did nothing basicall, my health project went well I didn't do too miserably on the government mock. I had my captain interview after school for eagle ettes. It went fine. Not like spectacularly amazing but I think I gave some good answers. I'm more worried about teaching my dance but thast in a couple weeks. Guys are...nonexistent this past week, I've been busy they've been moody w/e its not even bothering me. Friends are....friends I don't even care. I'm in a loner mood all of a sudden, happy perky jessica wore herself out or something. I'm getting into one of those moods again where I just don't like people. Nothing suicidal this time dont worry (ifu even would) im just...apathetic I expect too much from people and I will only get hurt so I'm not going to expect anything and it will save me pain later. I'm shutting down again I feel it. I'm ready to close myself off from the world. I was sitting outside of my interview waiting for michelle and the seniors to be done so michelle could drive me home. And I wanted human contact so I looked thru my fone book I didn't wan tto talk to anyone. I called jimmy cuz no matter what I can always handle him but he was at swim I think...left him sum long babbling message. Then John called cuz he needed sum1's number it kinda cheered me up but I wasn't really into talking to him either. Everythign is just so...dissapointing like myself I dissapoint myself. I couldnt even stay sober for a few weeks until school ended I could have not drank on saturday just gone and not drank there were sober people there. I also didnt have to literally drink until I passed out even jimmy said I had to much and thats saying something. Do I really have a problem? I made such a big deal about not doing it I'm pathetic. why can't I let myself be happy? im sry none of this makes sense oh well... ~numb again~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **yeah either danielle forgot to give briana my money or briana didnt write my username on the paper when she sent it in cuz I didn't get a message saying my journal was saved...NE1 know anything about that?** |
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| Anonymous | ***hugs***, 04-26-04 8:24pm aww jessica i know how you feel and i wish i could say something to take away all that hurt. i feel like its my fault you got drunk, im so sorry. :( your not pathetic, smile cuz ur my friend! remember, i dont have any loser friends ;) [your fellow stalker, michelle] |
lifesuxsodanz | Re: ***hugs***, 04-26-04 8:51pm aww michelle it's NOT ur fault don't even say that lol you may be my legal guardian but I'm a big girl who is responsible for her own actions. I may have no self control but I had fun and it was my choice. Ahhh I think the worst thing is how much I am going to miss u and hillary and richelle and danielle you guys make me happy right now. That message just cheered me up so much I love you...it's nice to be the stalked for once my how the tables have turned lol.
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Anonymous | Re: Re: ***hugs***, 04-26-04 9:08pm oh geez dont say that, your gonna make me cry. you can just come with me to college and ill say ur my exotic pet or something. well at least i could cheer you up a little, besides what are arch nemesis' for anyways? hey at least i kept the boys away... legal guardians are good for something.
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lifesuxsodanz | Re: Re: Re: ***hugs***, 04-26-04 9:17pm damn you...I wanted my boys : (
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andy | 04-26-04 11:18pm Your $2.00USD has been received. Thank you. |