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| mle (profile) wrote, on 4-27-2004 at 9:06pm | |
| Current mood: . worn out . Music: . the december drive . this side you've never seen . Subject: |
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yes, i have a mastermind for metaphors, as craftfully demonstrated in the above title. and yes, i do realize that i'm a moron. everyone and everything is getting to me lately. i mean... like major bipolar-ish mood swings. i have been fricken jumping around the house and bouncing through the halls five minutes after/before i can barely hold in the tears. and when i say tears, i mean like i started bawling in the orthodontist appt yesterday when they tell me, a 17 year old going away to college in four months, that i need to get some braces put back on and have surgery again, because apparently 1 retainer and 3 years of braces and 10+ pulled teeth and oral surgery to uncover 2 teeth just wasnt enough. (one of my teeth still hasnt come in yet) AHHHHHH. the last thing i want to do is start out college the same way i spent more than half of high school: with shards of metal in my fucking mouth. anyways. two things keep resurfacing in my mind: i need professional help more than ever, and the conversation i had with the priest a couple months ago when he said its okay to be angry at people. 1.) i don't think anyone could help me through the pschyosis that is me 2.) its my fault i'm angry. not theirs. and yet, i find myself more and more demanding... as if it is all their fault (the december drive) i don't think i can handle living this way much longer. every day, i get more extreme. prime example: my english teacher this year is a crazy bitch. we all hope she dies. i work my ass off and get an A- 3rd quarter. i don't know where my 4th quarter grade will end up, but i know right now that i'll kick butt on an exam, and i am dead set on taking one, even though everyone is exempt. i ask in the middle of class and everyone rips on me for about 10 minutes when i'm being honest. they say an A- rocks. i say it's terrible. i cannot live with myself knowing that i could have raised it. so what if my college doesn't care what i get this last semester? i do, and dammit, i will not settle for a fucking A-. i'm going nuts. if these tendancies keep up, by the time i hit campus in august, i will be the worst anal roomie, not to mention overly obsessive-complusive. i think i'm just with marcus because he puts up with my shit. this is going nowhere because i find it increasingly difficult to express myself. because no one understands. and no one cares. |
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spud | 04-28-04 3:22pm the trick is finding the balance between being dedicated and determined enough to accomplish your goals, and being easygoing enough to let some things slide here and there.
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