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mbenznut (profile) wrote,
on 4-29-2004 at 2:56pm
Current mood: discontent
I sort of feel bad for Jason. I mean, I know I was babbling beyond belief at points last night. It felt good to talk. Although being drunk wasn’t the best idea, but on the other hand, I probably wouldn’t have talked if I were sober. I am very good at compartmentalization, and sometimes I wish I weren’t. Good points were made, some of them will help.

I think I’ve just become tired of life. I feel as if I’m in the same position now as I was years ago. I know I’ve aged/matured whatever since high school, but it seems as if no change has been made beyond that. I’m the same as I was freshman year. School isn’t doing what I expected it to do for me. I am learning things, but there is not any showing as to how this applies to my career. I need some sort of proof that I’m doing this for a reason. If none of this shit applies to automotive design, why am I learning it? There is the point between rounding a person through experience and frivolous education. I think Western has fucked up that line; maybe the line is just not clear enough to me.

I basically have two problems in life right now. One is motivation. I know what I want to do, but I’m feeling blocked from these goals. Is it just me? Is there actually a barrier there? The second problem is a relationship. I know people who are not whole without a second half. I think I am sort of like that. I am this dominant person, but I’m only like this because there is nobody else. I would much rather cuddle up and share my problems with someone. That’s probably why I love animals so much. I can just cuddle up with them and feel relaxed, I forget my life.

Where’s the fairytale ending? Why can’t someone just fix my problems? If I put a lot of effort into this and fix them myself, will I be able to move beyond them, or will something else come up? I wish I could remember more of what was said last night.

Fuck. Lonely. Confused.
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kloomis25

04-29-04 4:03pm

Yeah, school is mostly frivolous anywhere you go, though the powers-that-be at my school called it "well-rounded" and "liberal arts" education. ...but it's all a buncha crap. Hope you find your happy ending.

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michellestar

04-29-04 5:28pm

I understand your feelings about your major and education. Most of the time I feel uneducated and despite the fact that I go to class and get decent grades...the knowledge doesn't seem to apply anywhere and I think that I just forget everything that's taught to me. It's frustrating. Just remember that you're not alone.

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TaoMan1121

04-29-04 5:34pm

First of all, talks like last night/this morning are what I thrive for. I love listening, so don't ever feel bad about talking. In fact, do it more often, damn it.

If you do decide to put effort into it and attempt to fix your problems, you will feel so much better about yourself because you were able to conquer what was holding you back. I tell you this from personal experience.

And I remember everything, I'm like a freakin' elephant, even when I've been drinking, so if any of my awesomely good points are a bit hazy, just let me know. I have no problem getting back up on my soapbox...

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Fanelia

04-29-04 11:13pm

I think everyone suffers the same education/career problems as you're suffering now. That's why most people change their majors eleven times in four years of college. Heh.

And I know I'm not a boy... but you can always cuddle up to me and share your problems. I too like to listen. :-)

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Anonymous

Well..., 04-30-04 10:45pm

So that's the end of our lil' house experiment... I think everyone is kind of relieved.

What I've found is that there isn't anyone who can "fix" you or your problems. You have to do it all by yourself. Granted, others will help you along the way, but you get the bear the brunt and do most of the work. And yes, once you're over one thing, something else will come up. That's just the way life goes. It's all in how you handle what comes up. You know the kind of people who don't seem to have any problems at all? They really do, they just do see them as problems.

School is important. Get a degree. You might not want to do one single thing all your life, but having that degree will help no matter what you decide to go into. It doesn't even matter much anymore what it's in. If you're paying for school and putting the time in, you should find something you really enjoy and get a degree in that, it'll make at least that part of your life easier. That's my advice.

The secret of the fairy-tale ending is that there isn't one. So make up your own.

We should hang out sometime. Maybe get drunk and talk with you and your roommates sounds like fun. Let me know.
-P

PS: I stole that green container in your room cuz I ran out of boxes. I forgot to bring it to the house today & I already gave Jay my key, so let me know how I can get it back to you. Thanks ;)

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